Tuesday, February 07, 2006

...And You Are....?
How To Really Know
He's Not Into You Anymore

With Valentine's Day rapidly approaching, and so many people out there in the dating community asking, "Does he or she really like me? How is this thing going?" plus the onus of that wonderful book, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, I thought, "Well, how do you know if he's no longer into you?" P.S. I think that book is crap, but I digress.

I decided to go to the field and poll some girlfriends on the question of "When did you realize he had lost interest? Just what tipped you off?" The pollsters will remain anonymous. As for the men reading this? I am not naive enough to believe that women don't pull these same stunts, and in the name of fairness, two of the answers came from men. A nice "14" for Valentine's Day.

How To Know He's No Longer Into You

1) He asks you to proofread his profile for Match.com.

2) He moves to England and doesn't tell you.

3) He hides from you online with a screenname he has forgotten you made up for him.

4) You find out his ex-girlfriend has mono, and your guy is showing the symptoms.

5) He asks you to give him a bottle of your perfume, so he can remember your scent, then he gives the perfume to another girl as a Valentine's present.

6) You give him a ring that you owned, to wear around his neck. He mails it back to you, with the stone missing, and suddenly he's engaged, and his new fiancée has an engagement ring with the same stone.

7) The woman he's been cheating on you with calls you to tell you that she's pregnant.

8) He invites you to a party that he is giving, and you go, thinking you are his date. Until you get to the party and meet his real date.

9) He starts signing all of his cards to you "Sincerely" instead of "Love."

10) He asks you if it's okay if he dates your best friend.

11) You're in a restaurant, and he excuses himself to go use the bathroom...and he never comes back.

12) You call your brother's fiancée late one night in tears, not sure how things are going with your boyfriend...and he answers the phone.

13) You come home from college one weekend and go to your boyfriend's house for a surprise visit. He answers the door shirtless, with a hickey on his neck.

14) He changes his phone number and doesn't tell you.

One friend said she wanted this on the list, "He dies," then she added, "Wishful thinking."


Blogger Merujo said...

How about this (which actually happened to a friend of mine recently):

For your 40th birthday, you throw a nice party and invite your friends and colleagues. Your husband shows up late, drunk, and with a hooker. He makes out with the hooker at the party and then announces he's moving in with her.


11:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn't it sad that they are all true stories?

11:35 PM  
Blogger playfulinnc said...

And, remember this one?

He uses your words and descriptions from intimate times together to update and actually PAY MONEY for the online dating service where you met.

11:41 PM  
Anonymous Wrethcat said...

True to the spirit of a fickle and enlightened gal like myself, my brothers warned me about all the guys tricks and faults, so I always broke up with them before they broke up with me.

My mother joked that my ex boyfriends would call years later looking for me. Guess I was always the one that got away. LOL That was because I recognized a fool before he showed all his stripes.

>^, ,^<

12:58 AM  
Blogger ThaiMex1 said...

I know a friend who doesn't seem to understand the male species; just her own wants but time and time again I've heard her say, " My boyfriend broke up with me using the same line I've heard before - I can't do this to my wife and kids."

6:58 AM  
Blogger Megarita said...

Oh god these are AWFUL. Although I hear the one about the new sign-off -- "sincerely?" What are you, my intern?

7:14 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Merujo: A hooker? Here honey, just what you always wanted. Happy Birthday.

Playful: There was a similar one I didn't use in terms of a man using the same verbal intimacies, but with a lot of different women who all knew each other. Then the one woman, in talking to the women, learns he said the same words to them...verbatim.

Wrethy: You've been lucky and found your Mr. Wonderful.

Thai: God, you are bad. I had the wickedest laugh shoot out of my mouth this a.m. You'd better hope she's given up on my blog.

Megarita: I know. With regards, Cubie.

8:11 AM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

ooh, painful. i like the picture though, very apt for this.

9:32 AM  
Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

Or it can be so much more subtle than these examples. Sigh ...

Did you see the Style page feature yesterday in the Post, about how the human race will die out because we've gotten so picky?

Love this: "Centuries from now, scientists may point to this as the moment in time when the pickiness gene became dominant. In the end, it will come down to one really old, lonely guy and his list.

"She must have blue eyes. She should like animals, but not in a weird way. No thin lips. No lawyers," he'll be writing, just before he keels over and the human race comes to an end."

10:05 AM  
Blogger Hammer said...

Not... with... a... ten-foot... titanium... pole...

[Diving for cover.]

11:00 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Sub: I go to pains to match my photos/art with what I'm writing about, so thanks for noticing.

Reya: That article is getting passed around town a lot these past two days. Must have struck a nerve.

Travis: Get back here, Birthday Boy. You need to weigh in on this. Crown & Anchor, Pirate T.

11:35 AM  
Blogger I-66 said...

Cube... the fact that you think the book is crap has at least partially restored my faith in the female side of humanity.

word ver: hippe


11:48 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

I'm pro men, I-66. Not some tunnel visioned "men suck" chick. As for your word verification, I think it refers back to Circle V's excellent guest blogger. I didn't agree with all that they said, but it was well written.

11:50 AM  
Blogger Hammer said...

"Not... gonna... do it. Wouldn't... be... prudent at this... juncture."

But I will say that for a few years now, I've expounded what I call "The Travis Theory of Guy Development," which is that until they're 27, guys have their head completely up their ass when it comes to relationships. At 27, we begin the "head from butt removal process," and while it's sometimes quick, it can also take a while. Took me until I was 29 I think. (Although there's probably an ex or two who might beg to differ.)

12:03 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Happy, Happy Birthday, Travis....you need to get out of jail to celebrate properly (for those that do NOT know the joke...he is not really in the slammer)...at least I don't think he is.

12:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thai is a very bad boy and you, Cube, must glare at him.

This essay is a nice complement to the Dickens piece. His dumping of the wife and kiddies seemed to send a message: he wasn't into her.


12:50 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

K: CtrlAltDel saw this in the a.m. and he knew who Thai meant, as well. He told me, "I have to admit I chuckled." As for Dickens, that could be:

15) He's not where he's supposed to be when he's in a train accident, caught in a private carriage with a woman young enough to be his daughter.

12:55 PM  
Blogger Rob Lowe said...

Fuck Cube, you've got a great sense of humor. This was hilarious and scary because I'm sure some of it isn't that far fetched. And remember this maxim, no matter how hot the girl is, some guy is sick of her.

If it wouldn't mean eradication of our species, I'd suggest castration for all of my male brethren. We'd be much better singers, that's for sure.


12:59 PM  
Blogger Larissa said...

great post. we need to add, when his saying, 'You and I should go to dinner' becomes 'Yeah stop by and say hi to me and the guys some time.'

1:04 PM  
Blogger Kyle Foley said...

The more I thought about this task, and about poetry, I realized that poetry had been in my life since I began reading.

three cheers for poetry! the art of introspection, thought and emotion!!!

1:16 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Rob: Hi. :) I can attest that every statement I listed happened to someone. Two of the comments were made by men, btw..I just always kept the gender as "she." One of my male friends guessed which one happened to "me" this a.m. He chose wrong and picked one of the men's comments. My point is, it also happens to guys. It isn't this one-sided thing going on only with women. There were things I didn't even post like, "He invites you to his wedding...to someone else. You thought you were still dating." I was told that one twice (once by a guy, once by a girl.) These things happened to my friends, so I had to live through it with them.

As for the castration thing. Well, I guess we could insert some joke here about James Blunt and his falsetto, but...that whole castration thing falls into the "men are dogs" mindset which I absolutely do not buy in to. I'm a pro-guy girl. Does that make sense?

Larissa: That's a good one. Or I have another one: He disappears for two weeks, never mentions he's going anywhere, doesn't answer his phone, then when he returns and calls you, he says, blasély.."Oh...I was off fishing with the guys."

Kyle: That's kind of you to post. Truly. I'll apply that to my poetry piece. Now we are on the less poetic subject of crappy things that happen in life. Nonetheless...thank you for stopping by. I always love to have guests. I hope you also stopped by Reya's blog, as she was the originator of this unique project.

1:34 PM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Sheesh. These are awful. How about "when his roommate tells you that the 'boyfriend' slept with some other girl over spring break whom he's still into, and you'd never find out otherwise, but you're a nice girl so you deserve to know."

Ah, college. God, I was stupid.

2:05 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Mystery: I can match it. High school boyfriend brings woman along to his end of summer job party given by his boss (this is just before college.) Comes to pick me up and introduces woman in the car as "co-worker." No warning, of course, that he was even picking anyone up to join us on the ride to the party. Later, during the party, the woman yanks me aside and tells me "You are too nice to be lied to. I am his former girlfriend, visiting from Houston." Good times.

2:35 PM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Ouch. Damn. Just... damn.

3:37 PM  
Blogger Momentary Academic said...

Oh Cube: How about calling him and having his roomate say he's out with his girlfriend.

you say: But wait...

Roomate says: whoops.

College: Good times.

4:10 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Momentary: Lé sigh. :(

4:27 PM  
Blogger always write said...

He stops kissing you the way you taught him to kiss you. And more the way someone else is teaching him.

4:31 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Always: That could also include any varied sexual move beyond his normal repetoire. "I see. You saw that on Real Sex."

4:48 PM  
Blogger Bobby said...

I didn't take the time to read that whole post, but, damn - all that stuff happened to you? Your self esteem must be like . .. yoink.

4:52 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Bobby: Not to sound school marmish, but this is what comes from not reading the text thoroughly. I polled friends of mine--male and female--about events that happened to them. If all of these things had happened to me, I'd be blogging from a very quiet, gentle place where loud noises didn't startle and medicine was dispensed on a timely basis.

4:57 PM  
Blogger KOB said...

A dating blog, I knew it. You just couldn't resist.

6:50 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Go ahead, KOB. Rub it in.

8:04 PM  
Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

A variaton on number 8 happened to a friend of mine. A guy she worked with who she thought she was dating (he actually would only go over to her place at 3 am for sex) came to her firm's going away party for her. He shows up late...with his date. They start filling up their plates with food, then left without saying goodbye.

9:01 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Home: I know Person #8, and she was dating this guy on a "steady" basis, to the point they had one of those "to the exclusion of others" things going on. Again, men aren't the only ones who play these games. I could tell you equal horror stories involving the bad behavior of women. Glad you stopped by. I don't see you very often.

9:20 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

How about this one -- You find a book on his shelf (that happens to be the same book he recently gave to you). Only this one has the same inscription in the front cover, but it's from a girl to him. Guess he liked those words and decided to recycle them.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Stef said...

Hmmm...digging way back. How about your highschool boyfriend/first love decides to move back to California suddenly cuz he wants to "make it work" with his previous girlfriend. Who dates him for just a few weeks and then dumps him. Then he moves on (settles?) to her best friend, marries her and has a kid. Then starts emailing you again from out of the blue years later cuz he "misses you." Blech.

11:49 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Barbara: That must be a common guy thing, because I've heard of other men doing this before. Bizzare, huh?

Stef: I love it when they come bouncing back, and nothing has changed right? Wrong.

12:53 AM  
Blogger Asian Mistress said...

Re: Moving to England...just like that creep who apparently killed his wife and baby and is now "waiting" in England. Oy.

Love the list...I should have thought of it!

I also love the explodingdog graphic.

5:27 PM  
Blogger caseystay said...

My personal favorite-- his mom calls and is so happy that you're visiting for the weekend and you tell her that you're not visiting...that you've been living with her son for five months now, didn't she know? And his mother drops the phone and he is mad at you for telling her and making her upset.

Just glad that with age comes wisdom...and a better bs detector ;-)

5:35 PM  
Blogger Neil said...

My own mother signs my birthday cards "Sincerely." Should I be worried?

9:36 PM  
Blogger The Captain said...

Can we please have "just not that in to you" oficially banned from ever being spoken? Please. This only just became popular in the last year, and I'm already sick of the phrase.

6:33 PM  

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