Saturday, January 13, 2007

Empty Boxes

I stopped by my local Whole Foods last night to stock up on my healthy eats for the coming week, and I happened to visit the ladies room. I realized later, by posting this, that I am showing some men something they may never have seen before:

That, Gentlemen, is a sanitary napkin-tampon vending machine and it hangs on the wall, but this is what had me really laughing:

If you click on the photograph to make it larger, you can read, "Do Not Force Knob If Empty. Call Matron or Custodian." Matron? Custodian? Those guys mopping floors don't have it rough enough already? As for Matron, I had images of British nurse supervisors or prison guards. All I could think of was "women behind bars" movies like Caged Heat, or Reform School Girls with the late Wendy O. Williams.

"We're putting you in the hole for forcing the knob."

Did you know that in 1946 Walt Disney did an animated film for Kotex called, The Story of Menstruation?

Oh yeah...

ยก Wash Yer Hands and Flush!
...but not necessarily in that order!


Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

You know, menopause has its benefits! No struggling with machines, being put behind bars for forcing the knob or refusing to call the matron, and best of all, my pituitary gland has finally calmed down.

Ah mother nature!

I really LOVE the musical background to the story of menstruation. This is hilarious!

8:55 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Reya: It wasn't until I posted these photos that I realized some men may never have seen such a thing. As for Uncle Walt? Oddly enough, I'm reading a new biography about him. He has other odd little AV films as well.

8:58 AM  
Anonymous James said...

Hmm, the baby at the beginning reminded me of Bat Boy, which was good because I didn't really get anything else out of the video...but maybe it wasn't aimed at me.
Good observations on the statues. I'll post more at some point. Jackson also seems to use exaggerated period hats, typically ecclesiastical in theme, and his work works best when contrasted to actual ruins.

9:27 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

James: The Disney AV may have been educational in 1946. I put it up for the sheer perverseness of the thing. Disney animating fallopian tubes. Why weren't they showing this on prime time with the Mickey Mouse Club? It could have saved Britney Spears a LOT of grief.

9:38 AM  
Blogger Judith HeartSong said...

Chortle. I love this. I was at the Zoo one day and in an unfortunate turn of events after looking in my bag, I realized I needed a tampon. I put the requisite number of coins in the dispenser, and out popped the tiniest box I had ever seen. With morbid fascination I opened the box to find an even tinier tampon inside. I laughed and threw it away.

Have a marvelous day.


10:20 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Judith: Know what I love about the Zoo? Zoo doo. Yes. You can buy zoo animal manure for your garden. I've often wondered if city rats would scamper, catching a whiff of tiger poo.

10:25 AM  
Blogger Pagan Marbury said...

Wendy O. Williams... Nice. I remember she used a chainsaw in her act. That movie was very disturbing, particularly the kitten scene. Williams was terrifying.

Wonder where she ended up?

3:36 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Wendy O. Williams? Dead at 48 in 1998. She shot herself out in the woods near her home. Here's her suicide note:

"I don't believe that people should take their own lives without deep and thoughtful reflection over a considerable period of time. I do believe strongly, however, that the right to do so is one of the most fundamental rights that anyone in a free society should have. For me much of the world makes no sense, but my feelings about what I am doing ring loud and clear to an inner ear and a place where there is no self, only calm."

Can you see Britney Spears going onstage smeared with whipped cream as her costume, a bleached out mohawk and wielding a running chain saw? Ah, the good ole days.

6:37 PM  
Blogger Momentary Academic said...

Wow. I've never been in the bathroom at Whole Foods. You find so many fabulous things everywhere, Cube.

7:43 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

MA: You've missed nothing. I'll tell you a funny about that particular visit to WF. The entire time I was in there, a woman who seemed a tad long in the tooth to have such a young child was shopping with her little girl, age three-ish.

The child was SCREECHING the length and breadth of the store and never let up. At no time did Mom stoop down to comfort her or pick her up. Zero comfort and only reinforcing my theory that parents become so inured to the sound it's the distant bzzz of a bee.

While I was checking out, the woman got into the line next to mine, child still screaming, and the whole time I stood there making small talk with my cashier, he was bitching to me about that kid and how much he hates that sound and why don't parents do something, etc. I just stood there doing Queen Beatrix and nodding politely with this small smile on my face.

The woman and child were leaving, kid dragging her toes across the floor in protest, and I looked up at the cashier and said, "Oh. They are leaving. A pity."

11:28 PM  
Blogger Pod said...

what would happen if you just stood there shouting for matron?? how funny

2:13 AM  
Blogger Megarita said...

Wow. That poor menstruation girl has no feet! Is that one of the lesser-known side effects!??

Remember--get enough sleep and don't upset yourself!

9:17 AM  
Anonymous FMS said...

Menstruation video ... my favorite line: "a fertilized egg happens when a women is going to have a baby" ...
thanks for finding that.

11:14 AM  
Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

I call all women "matrons."

2:16 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

POD: Who knows. Washington, D.C. is a multi-cultural city so it's hard to say how people would respond. See El Guapo's comment below yours.

Mega: Don't you just love how Uncle Walt explains it all? I'm surprised Disney World doesn't have a birthing center and baptismal font.

FMS: Glad you liked it and we are here to amuse and educate. :)

El G: You're a Gent.

3:25 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Add to Technorati Favorites