I was reading Chase-ing Random Thought's blog today, and she posed the query: "Ways you can tell the guy you are interested in...is only interested in sex." Chase had a list of ten potential warning signs including: your clothes never seems to stay on when you are with him, you never go out for dinner, every kiss turns into sex, you never meet his friends, etc.
I thought, "Let me loose," but I didn't dare post my answers on Chase's blog. As for this blog? What the hey...
Ways You Can Tell He's Only Interested In Sex
- He has to have reclining seats in his car (thanks for that one, Drew.)
- He always asks you what you are wearing within the first minute of talking to you on the telephone.
- He always tells you how hard he is, within the first two minutes of talking to you on the telephone.
- He only buys you clothing that is transparent or easily removable (Drew again.)
- He's always dreaming up new places to "do it."
- He shows you vulgar things posted on Craig's List and pretends it isn't him.
- He thinks the television show "Real Sex" should be on prime time.
- He's been on "Real Sex."
- He's left written testimony on the "realdoll.com" website --"home of the world's finest love doll."
- Loves the I'm drunk, it's 2 a.m. and I want a sex call before bed.
- During any given conversation always brings up the subject of wanting photographs of you in some compromising sexual pose.
- He's introduced you to his friends, while you were wearing a cocktail dress, cleavage and stilettos, as his "landscape architect."
- He has 50 burner (throw away) cell phones, and he knows the numbers on all of them.
- He has a closet or a bureau drawer with a deadbolt lock on it.
- He thinks seriously about what the best ball gag color is to suit the woman's hair and coloring.
- You've caught him having sex with your angora sweater.
- Everywhere you go he says "I've done it there."
- He has a frequent shopper punch card for Pleasure Chest and Dream Dresser. (Ya know ya do, Drew.)
- He gets email from sub-shop.com reminding him there is a sale going on for overstock in bondage gear.
- He always feels compelled to remind you that the panties go over the garter belt.
- He can type 90 wpm with one hand.
- He reminds you that his online pornography viewing is just research.
- He reminds you that his online pornography viewing is because studies show that men are visual creatures.
- He has an icon on his computer called "boat," and when you click on it, you find the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape.
- Every time he asks you to unjam his computer, it's stuck on a porn site.
- Whenever he's driving by Thomas Circle, the hookers shout out his name.
- The nightstand next to his bed is a triage of oils, tissue boxes, magazines and dvd's.
doll images taken from realdoll.com