Thursday, August 11, 2005

Blame It On The Heat

I was reading Chase-ing Random Thought's blog today, and she posed the query: "Ways you can tell the guy you are interested only interested in sex." Chase had a list of ten potential warning signs including: your clothes never seems to stay on when you are with him, you never go out for dinner, every kiss turns into sex, you never meet his friends, etc.

I thought, "Let me loose," but I didn't dare post my answers on Chase's blog. As for this blog? What the hey...

Ways You Can Tell He's Only Interested In Sex
  • He has to have reclining seats in his car (thanks for that one, Drew.)
  • He always asks you what you are wearing within the first minute of talking to you on the telephone.
  • He always tells you how hard he is, within the first two minutes of talking to you on the telephone.
  • He only buys you clothing that is transparent or easily removable (Drew again.)
  • He's always dreaming up new places to "do it."
  • He shows you vulgar things posted on Craig's List and pretends it isn't him.
  • He thinks the television show "Real Sex" should be on prime time.
  • He's been on "Real Sex."
  • He's left written testimony on the "" website --"home of the world's finest love doll."
  • Loves the I'm drunk, it's 2 a.m. and I want a sex call before bed.
  • During any given conversation always brings up the subject of wanting photographs of you in some compromising sexual pose.
  • He's introduced you to his friends, while you were wearing a cocktail dress, cleavage and stilettos, as his "landscape architect."
  • He has 50 burner (throw away) cell phones, and he knows the numbers on all of them.
  • He has a closet or a bureau drawer with a deadbolt lock on it.
  • He thinks seriously about what the best ball gag color is to suit the woman's hair and coloring.
  • You've caught him having sex with your angora sweater.
  • Everywhere you go he says "I've done it there."
  • He has a frequent shopper punch card for Pleasure Chest and Dream Dresser. (Ya know ya do, Drew.)
  • He gets email from reminding him there is a sale going on for overstock in bondage gear.
  • He always feels compelled to remind you that the panties go over the garter belt.
  • He can type 90 wpm with one hand.
  • He reminds you that his online pornography viewing is just research.
  • He reminds you that his online pornography viewing is because studies show that men are visual creatures.
  • He has an icon on his computer called "boat," and when you click on it, you find the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape.
  • Every time he asks you to unjam his computer, it's stuck on a porn site.
  • Whenever he's driving by Thomas Circle, the hookers shout out his name.
  • The nightstand next to his bed is a triage of oils, tissue boxes, magazines and dvd's.

doll images taken from


Blogger Complacent Chase said...

I think we have dated the same guys! ha ha

7:34 PM  
Blogger playfulinnc said...

Holy crap that is funny. I think I went out with one of those last night.

11:23 AM  
Blogger KOB said...

very funny!

10:46 PM  
Blogger A Unique Alias said...

Creepy creepy creepy!!

10:53 AM  

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