Thursday, August 25, 2005

Why I Hate Rockville Pike On A Saturday

Last Saturday, I drove out to Tower Records, and while I was on Rockville Pike, within seconds of each other, and one block apart, I had two massive "who are these assholes" moments. The first was a car from Indiana attempting to make a left turn where the road was clearly marked as "No Left Turn" (see signs).

This is the way we do things in Indiana.....

The second was the light at Rockville Pike and Nicholson Lane. The way the light sequence runs is: ongoing traffic goes first on the green light; people making a left turn go second on the green. I was the lead car waiting to make a left turn, sitting at a red light. While I sat, another car whipped in front of me to cut me off, but they also had part of their car blocking the middle lane, which was ongoing green light tr
affic. The cars in the middle lane were honking like mad at this woman who sat there placidly, as this act obviously had nothing to do with her, despite the fact she was sitting out there jamming up the entire road.

Ms. Asshole Green Range Rover.....

Here's another odd observation. There is a severely handicapped Hispanic man that begs in D.C. during rush hours. On this same afternoon in Rockville, I saw him getting off a Montgomery County Ride On bus and set up shop on this street corner at the Pike and Nicholson Lane. I wonder if he has a schedule mapped out of where he needs to be at given times and days. Once I saw him tag team off a corner when another handicapped man came to replace him. In this same neighborhood there used to be a female beggar. She always had a leg brace on her left leg. Her sign always said "Mother of Six." One day she screwed up, and the brace was on her right leg. Oopsie, Moms.

It's obvious you don't have to be intelligent to drive a car. I stopped by the Department of Motor Vehicles and snatched a copy of the study book for new drivers:

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pickup truck with the gun rack and bumper sticker saying "Guns Don't Kill People. I Do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What ar some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he or she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

We are all doomed.

Postscript: I had a friend email me last night about this entry. It is just the kind of thing I swore I would never do: whine about traffic or having my order messed up in Starbucks, but here's that rainy day, Dave. Sorry. :) The only excuse I have is that it was mildly entertaining for me to be able to take pictures of the offenders in the act and know that I was going to slap their pictures up on the blog.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

now this is really funny. and scary. pedestrians are just street bumps around here.


10:02 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

What frightens me, K, and I see it repeatedly in the city, is the iPodder's stepping off of curbs and not even turning around or looking up to see if there is a car present and in their path. I see so much of this, and they never blink an eye or miss a step. God does protect the stupid.

10:10 AM  
Blogger Miss Penny Lane said...

Try the Tower by GWU next time!

12:13 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

I use the GW Tower, Miss Penny. I had other biz-niz to tend to out in Rockville, hence my choice. I was buying a cd recommended by DCeiver and Blog! as well as some others in the DC Blog scene. I was also looking for an import, but no go, so "hello"

2:54 PM  

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