Mayor In Da Big House
Marion Barry: Life In Prison
With former Mayor of Washington, D.C. Marion Barry awaiting a sentencing toward charges of tax evasion, and with the issues of his potential ongoing drug use hanging out there, I thought it might be a good time to speculate on what his life might be like in prison.
Marion Barry's newest quotable could be, "IRS set me UP!!!"
Barry's new prison title could be Mayor for Life Sentence.
His job in the prison could be bookkeeper to the Warden, a la Shawshank Redemption, where he tells the Warden, "If you take out the shankings, prison actually has a very, very low crime rate."
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very, very low crime rate." ~~Marion Barry, Ex-Mayor of Washington, D.C.
Supporters of his cause would have a protest song for their rallies: Gimme Tax Shelter.
When Barry is told he'll be busting rock, he gets excited, thinking they mean crack rock.
Instead of chain gang work repairing roads (and potholes), Marion will be working on the new baseball stadium, laying sod. This will give him a chance at redemption to build the city he never built as Mayor.
"I have to admit I didn't do as much as I should have back when I was Mayor, but now we're getting it done...It's not where you've been, but where you're going." ~~ Marion Barry
Marion Barry is 69 years old. Coincidentally, this happens to be his new cellmate's favorite number.
According to the Prison Bitch Name Generator, Ex-Mayor Barry's prison bitch name will be "Tush Taster."
"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl." ~~ Marion Barry
...and next, he can be a jail bird.
When Barry was busted on another drug conviction he was quoted as saying "Write what you're going to write. That's all I've got to say. Nothing more, nothing less." He becomes tired of reading others words and takes up writing himself. His first piece is a poem:
I always pay my tax on time,
I did not snort that coke in lines,
I did not commit tax evasion,
I'm never under drug persuasion.
"I am a great Mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man." ~~ Marion Barry
His prison number: 69513869. It's meaning?
69: His age
5: The 5 Points Gang which evolved into a drug gang.
13: Unlucky or lucky--you decide.
8: Behind the eight ball.
69: Well....prison, right?
"You think I should seek a Mayoral pardon?"