Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Sociopathy 101

I wish I had the courage of a Velvet to just lay it right out there and tell you what this picture means. I did confess it to a few people, but trust me, it was not me on my best behavior, and to waylay the obvious, "No, it was not me caving and eating junk food."

At the start of the New Year, I developed problems in both eyes. Minor problems that could have been dealt with, but when one eye started bleeding; "had" to be dealt with. I got through two weeks of that. Everything's fine. Just had my eyes reexamined this week, and the whole incident did not alter my vision. Clean bill. Then a few weeks back, at 3 a.m. and perfectly sober, but extremely tired, I fell on my stairs in my house when I went down to get a bottle of water. In twisting to break my fall, my ribs took the full impact of stair treads. I didn't think I had broke them, but when the pain increased, a doctor's visit and an x-ray revealed, "Hello. Broken rib." So I've been painfully recovering from that, and then this past weekend, the cold from hell that everyone's Uncle Tom, Dick and Harriet (we don't talk about him much) has finally landed on my doorstep. I shut down my blogging mode and went into retreat. Coughing and hacking hooey and rib equals weariness and ouch. A lot of ouch.

Yesterday I went out to do my advance work on a cocktail of the week (probably up by tomorrow,) and stopped by a market to buy exactly two things: Water. Tissue. I got into the express lane and waited and waited and waited. Twenty minutes. Three people in front of me. Sidecars and sickness make you do strange things.

I glanced over and saw this Enquirer in the stand by the register, and I thought about Britney Spears and how she is out there daily doing things that scream "Look at me." The crotch shots, the torn fishnet pole dances, the wreckless driving. The reported drug abuse. Ignoring her lobster burger while out to dinner with Pa, but making repeated trips to the bathroom. The reported child neglect and abuse. KFed wants her to see them. You take them. No, YOU take them. Studying the cover story and the raking over of "Kirstie's packaging on MORE pounds," I thought, "If Britney truly wanted to get the media squawking and on full blown out hysteria? She should get really, really, really fat." They may forgive her the weaknesses cited earlier, but getting fat? The last cultural taboo.

....and "no," the pastry shot has nothing to do with Kirstie's eating issues or Britney's road kill of a life. As I said, Sociopathy 101.

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Blogger I-66 said...

Poor Cube.

We shall encase you in bubble wrap and release you to the world.

4:25 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

That might not be the smartest thing to do, 66'er.

4:31 PM  
Blogger Velvet said...

We are oddly in sync today. I wrote a post referencing you as well.

I sort of like the encasing in bubble wrap thing. That sounds hot.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

7:26 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

We'll put her in a padded sumo suit. Prevents injury, builds strength, and keeps her warm.

7:27 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

Why wouldn't that be smart?

Either way, Hammer's idea is a lot better. Safer and with more comedic appeal.

10:40 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Velvet: I'm headed over to your blog to respond. There's a whole fetish group devoted to vaccuum sealing each other in latex and such, like something you'd see on a Popeel ad.

As for Hammer's comment, I immediately thought of that horrible Paltrow movie where she wore a fat suit..Jack Black..don't even TELL me the title..I hated the whole premise. But one thing I do remember during promotions for that flick. God...she was interviewed saying how insufferable it was to climb into her fat suit and then how, and I remember this SO utterly DELICIOUS to unzip it and step out, all slender and relieved. I thought, "Well..THAT comment will expand your fan base."
I understand from interviews I read with her former classmates at Spence that she used to utter things like that in the locker room, as well. Just tap, tap tapping away into that sensitive artist's soul of hers.

11:21 PM  
Blogger All Things Bright and Beautiful... said...

Cube - I hope you feel better soon - cracked ribs aren't fun and I'm sure the pilates class will be missing you :-)

But at least that means you can spend more time with us :-)



4:40 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Felicity: Funny you should mention Pilates, because that is how I knew I was seriously injured. I had gone to two of those equipment classes, but reducing my flexibility to soften the injured area...very frusrating for me, but...then I worked out at the gym with my trainer...equally cautious, no obvious damage, and he was impressed I had increased weight loads in lifting across the board. Then I went to an Intermediate level class I normally can do, but there was a lot of what Pilates calls "Second Core (meaning ribs) work, and after that class, I knew I was not good. Haven't been back to anything since, while I heal. I am going to tenatively try going back to the gym for some one on one training next week, but Pilates may be another week or two off until all of the pain has eased. In the meantime, I am going to try to catch up on blogging, and reading other's blogs, and have that functional. I'm about to head over to Velvet's blog to address her latest concerns on facial hair on men and waxing various body parts. God knows there must be something to add to that mix.

And to my buddy Hammer out there with the flu. Get well soon.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Phil said...

Going to the bathroom will be inconvenient in the sumo suit, but as I-66 said, for the sake of comedy it is a sound idea.

And who could have ever predicted KFed would be the "responsible" parent in that relationship?

12:22 PM  
Blogger Velvet said...

I remember those Gwynnie interviews too. I remember her saying she wore the suit out in public and how she was totally ignored and dismissed because of the "weight." Sure...the weight...

Too bad no one told her it was because of her dull looks and boring personality. She's no Blythe Danner, that's fo' sho'.

11:36 PM  
Blogger All Things Bright and Beautiful... said...

Cube, well I have never known a group pilates session to be diagnostic - but theres always a first :-) Tho' if you pilates with a physio or chiro - that's another story.

Youre a rather fit chickateeta by the sound of it.

Hey thanks too for your indepth response to the Kubrick disguised as Stark post. That first link especially made me totally agree with you ! :-)

And as for chandelier cleaning you definitely have a point there - tho I'd still do dinner under a dusty chandelier rather that an single light bulb :-)

7:42 AM  
Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

It's ironic, isn't it, our empire I mean - so bloated in so many ways, and so utterly consumed, thinking about how much people weigh. For heaven's sake.

Clients come in every day and tell me that if only they could lose x number of pounds, all their problems would evaporate.

Maybe. But I doubt it.

People come in all shapes and sizes. They always have, no matter what corner of the globe you inhabit. Size is a matter of genetics and luck, mostly. I say vive le difference! Imagining a world full of people who look just like Paltrow sounds awful to me.

As for you, I do NOT want to wrap you in bubble wrap. But I do want whatever this evil energy is that keeps swirling around you to get the hell OUT of your life. I mean it.

8:52 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Happy to find an interesting misc. blog! Yay.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Phil: I check your blog every day to see if you've made a new entry. I've been craving me some Playaz. Take that as a compliment that you were the cream at the top of the blog bottle.

Velvet: Paltrow did a series of interviews for that movie, and each was worse than the next. The horrors of being fat, and her stupidity she was trying to sound if, right? If anything, she continued to sound vapid and self absorbed and arrogant. I could not wait for that film to release and disappear off the face of the earth (just reading her interviews,) and "no," I've never seen it. Why would I? NOT a Jack Black fan, either.

Felicity: I emailed you on your comments. I absolutely love your blog. You have some of the most interesting attractive photography and it's all about the beauty in our lives--very much something I seek in my own small way, on a daily basis.

Reya: I've written you as well. you know my problems, and yes, it is some swirling negative energy I have been trying to shed for a decade. If you follow astrology (and I have mixed feelings on that,) all of the stars show my signs (cusp yanno) being held for a good decade in this mess. Yes. At some point things have got to get better. Right? If you were still involved in your past passions, maybe you could poof them away.

Rebecca: I'll be paying your blog a visit. Glad you stopped by. Miscellanous would purdy well sum it up. Everything but the kitchen sink, and I'm sure Felicity above you there would say "Make sure it's KOHLER!"

12:47 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

That cream will rise to the top again fairly soon.

Keep checking.

1:35 PM  
Blogger Johnny DC said...

I hope its not a yeast inference... to nether regions...



3:29 PM  
Blogger Smash said...

Sometimes it seems like the whole world is working against you--and it seems even your body has given in.

Hope you feel better soon.

10:47 PM  
Blogger All Things Bright and Beautiful... said...

Cube ? Where are you?

Blogland is not the same without your cutting edge hyper observant commentaries.

Hope those ribs of yours are healed soon :-)

Thank you for that lovely comment you wrote above there about my blog - I am TOTALLY chuffed :-)

10:22 PM  

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