Friday, April 10, 2009

I Scream "No" To Lost Love



I was walking downstairs , staring at the cover of a book I had just finished, realizing I didn’t have one thing to say about it. Did I enjoy the book? Yes. Aren’t there clever quotes inside? Yes. But what popped into my mind was all of these women who achieved world fame; lasting fame that has carried them from their time into the beyond, and each had, for want of a better expression (and forgive me, ladies,) “unrequited love.” I became frozen to the place where I stood.

Emily Dickinson locked in her room in white, pouring out her passion. Edith Wharton giving us poor, fallen Lily Bart that society rejects at its hard door. Edith, swathed in familial and earned wealth, never got her man either and lies in an untended grave in France. Dorothy Sayers. Plain as boiled potatoes, but wrote one of the most passionate passages ever written about a woman in love. Nancy Mitford, recreating her rejecting lover over and over again in her literature. Why weep at my bed now, lover? Now that I am dying?

Critics and theorists who rip through their lives and words say, “They chose the wrong man.” “They needed to live solitary lives to create.” “It was subconscious.” “He had to be unavailable.”

At the moment I arrived at that thought, I silently screamed “NOOOOO” at the top of my lungs into eternity.


“NOOOOOO.” They loved.

“NOOOOOO.” For them, “he” was their true love.

“NOOOOOO”, you people who sit and judge a life. You are wrong.

Remaining where I had stopped, I wrote Emily a poem:

That bundle you call “joy?”
Was the last nail
In the coffin I call “hope.”


I guess I had something to say, after all.

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16 Comments:

Blogger Cyndy said...

Wow, that's really dark....and deep. I've always identified with those solitary types for some reason. I used to expect that I'd end up alone and even though I didn't, I still imagine myself that way. I think I'd be okay with it. Although unrequited love is a huge part of the picture for these women I never imagined that for myself - I always thought I'd let go of it if that happened. But what do I know?

11:56 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Cyndy: Two of these women had husbands, but may as well not had...and they didn't love them and left them. It's the critics who argue they couldn't have a love, because then they couldn't create, that bother me.

And yes, unrequited love, for either man or woman, is sad, because it spells rejection, and in some cases, of very unique beings. My own feeling is, most people get over life's rejections and move on, without forgetting, but sometime's something or someone enters the picture that they cannot get past, and it changes their life path forever. Where I part company with the critics is, I don't believe you have to be forced into this solitude to create.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Velvet said...

No relationship is perfect. And the torment brings good writing. Sad but true. See: Hemingway, my archives.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Well...I find I write less when I am happy and preoccupied, but not always. Sometimes I get in a humor zone, for example, and it just....flows...and oddly enough Hemingway AGAIN Reya...listen to the voices. I wrote a funny piece where Hemingway wrote about the messiness of gunshot suicide,and I wrote, "If he knew this, and wrote about it," why did he then go ahead and leave that mess for his family? At least put on an adult Depends and take pills."

6:06 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I agree to have loved at all whether it is reciprocated or not cannot ever lessen the love. As for being tormented in order to write well, I am relying on the falseness of that as I write my novel. :)

2:39 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

I agree, Kate. It's funny (meaning not.) I was reading an advice column in the Friday paper--a man who left his girlfriend and worries about how she's handling it,and the columnist makes the woman's grief sound like neurosis and basically says to the young man, "See what was lying there underneath?" It was insulting. "Gee, I guess it's a good thing you got out of that relationship....because she's sad."

Oh? Your parents were just murdered? Slashed to bloodied ribbons? Well lets just get out there and create our five points to success and a happy future, shall we? Some grief you just learn to carry around for the rest of your life, and I do believe THAT.

How many people do you know that get dumped, just jump right back into it? Then guess what, Bud. It wasn't love. I'd be more worried over those "I'm just fine, now excuse me while I redo my filing system" people.

5:24 PM  
Blogger Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

I am impressed at your insight into these lives. You put this so clearly. I have always been rather solitary even though I've been married 3 times. My first two marriages were not a good match...but this one now is wonderful. It & its memories will last be to the end if I'm as lucky as I feel right now.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

My friend Michael was once music critic for the Boston Globe. He quit that job because he said it was too much dissection and not enough music for him.

Here here.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Lizzy: I find it insulting to deny the love that was in place at earlier times. I know my past loves, no matter what happened to end it...the true ones will always have some of the space in my heart.

Reya: Patrick wrote me a lengthy email today, and I responded back to all of the points, but one thing I said to him, that in retrospect was funny was I told him how some argue with me that you have to be in some form of "upset" to produce your best writing, which I disagree with, and I wrote, "Not me. I have to be in a good place...a balanced place...to write. I don't buy into tormented artist. I can write upside down in a bus on a gutted clay road. I find I need "quiet", go to a special place, to write poetry. The rest of it? Sure, I'll hold that sqwalling baby for ya, while I type." It was the "upside down, gutted road, sqwalling baby" that made me laugh....cause it's true. Heck. I've blogged a hurricane.

8:39 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I feel much more creative when I am emotionally charged or at least challenged.

BTW, I just read that Sylvia Plath's son recently committed suicide. It seems to run in some families of creative people.

10:36 PM  
Anonymous suicide_blond said...

everyday...i wish i could write/think like you
xoxo

1:17 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Barbara: I like feeling that creative charge as well and being in that zone. Right now I've been dragging through "the viral infection that won't quit," and it makes it harder. I don't know how people write consistently in pain or illness. Now that is a challenge.

Suicide Blonde: Thank you. I enjoy all of the comment bloggers who show up here, and elsewhere. I wish we were a bigger group. We used to be. I know KOB is out there with his jousting stick, trying to keep D.C. writing alive.

5:43 PM  
Anonymous Twinkie said...

I scream NO to lost love too!

Unrequitted love is for losers. LOL Ok just kidding. Sorta. But is it really love or lust? or a mad crush?

4:41 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Twinkie: In the case of the women I cited, it was love, and those men floated in and out of their lives for years. And sorry for not posting the past few. I went to doctor and found out my lingering whatever was a bacterial infection in oh....my ears, my nose, my throat, my chest. I hope to have something posted by tomorrow..a corset birthday cake! And get some antibiotics in me.

7:24 PM  
Blogger Cyndy said...

I hope you feel better soon!

12:12 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Cyndy: Thanks. It's been dragging out for weeks.

12:18 AM  

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