Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Who, What, When, Where, How

Lately in the news, it's the same ole, same ole. I wonder if the same ole standards of good reporting still apply: Who, What, When, Where, Why?
"She's gonna love Queen's "We Will Rock You."

1) What is with the Queen's iPod?

QEII asked the Obama's for an iPod, and they obliged, filling it with her favorite Richard Rodgers show tunes. What was he gonna slap on there? Me So Horny by 2 Live Crew? Be glad Obama gave her Richard Rogers. I would have picked an iPod in acid green and slammed the Sex Pistols opening with “God Save the Queen,” followed by The Clash doing “London Calling,” The Kinks doing “Victoria,” and “She Bought a Hat Like Princess Marina,” then The Beatles, “Her Majesty,” (Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl, but she doesn’t have a lot to say.”) The Obama gift? Trust me. It could have been worse. How about Queen doing "Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy," "Another One Bites the Dust," and "We Are the Champions (of the World.)"

2) When are we going to get over the whole cutsey-bowing thing. Our Queen, Elizabeth Taylor, said, "I've met them, and they are just regular people. Shake their hand and act normally."

Frankly, I’d be more impressed meeting Ms. Taylor. Could the Queen rule in her slip, the way Liz did in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? Could QE II make her Christmas speech, uttering a line like, “Mama, face it: I was the slut of all time,” like Liz did in Butterfield 8.

Don't You Just Know That Madonna Was That Kid Saying "I'm taking the ball and going home if we don't play my game." Only now she's taking home her baby, her millions, a phalanx of media coverage and that promised party.

3) Who's is happy that Madonna's adoption fell through in Malawi?

Me, Me, Me!!! Happy over the Madonna decision? Yes. She goes in waving her fame and money around trying to actively circumvent a country’s laws. Who named her Queen of the April? And I read she had a temper tantrum back in her hotel room after the Court ruling, storming at her lawyer’s failings, “How could this happen to me?” With her child Lourdes….her CHILD folks, wrapping her arms around her mother trying to calm her down. Reflect. WHAT is wrong with this picture? THEN she decides to…oh I don’t know…THROW A PARTY. This isn’t about a child in a Malawi orphanage, and don't try convincing anyone otherwise.

4) Where is that great baby video?

Go watch this past weekend’s satire on Saturday Night Live where “Angelina” and “Madonna” fight over babies. The sketch is called “Spicy Brown Babies and (spoiler alert) Angelina wins the baby game when she announces she’s getting a baby from Russia that has a baby, within a baby, within a baby. This is what really has people up in arms. It’s not the poor orphaned child and rescue thereof. It’s motive. And we aren’t fools.

5) How come Nefertiti always looks so good without plastic surgery?

Recent reporting indicates that Nefertiti, history's first great beauty, also may have undergone history's first makeover. The famous bust of Nefertiti has long been a standard of beauty. Now researchers have discovered that beneath the stucco head, there exists another face, the original created from stone. The differences are minor — creases at the corners of the mouth, a little bump on the nose.

" These creases and bumps? What surgery? What plaster covering? This is me. I never had a bump. I just….eat healthy, drink lots of lotus juice and rub tons of eucalyptus oils followed by a mask of pyramid dust clay. Oh yeah…munching a grape…my trainer has me run out to the Valley of the Kings then do Pyramid steps. Great for the abs and butt. And those rumors about my having my organs removed and put in Canopic jars? I mean…really. I’m Queen of the Nile….Madonna….or should I say…Denial?

What's on MY iPod? D'uh..."Walk Like An Egyptian."

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Blogger Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

Oh this was just tooooo good! Such sarcasm! Now that's the way to answer those who, what, when, where, & how questions! ...but where's the why!?!
Lizzy :-)

5:36 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

WHY is we reading this, Lizzy? :)

6:50 PM  
Blogger Cyndy said...

We are reading this because it is FUN!

I wish I had a TV - that skit sounds hilarious and extremely appropriate. I think those women are just showing off. If they were to instead choose orphans from this country - then I'd be impressed. I must be missing some point they are trying to make.

And Nefertiti? I was just getting around to finding out more about her because my combo at school is doing a Wayne Shorter tune by that name. We just played it tonight. All I could tell them was that she's an Egyptian princess. The tune is full of beautiful and exotic chords so that fits. But it's time to find out a little more.

Also, I really loved the way you flicked back to the beginning of the post to tie up all the loose ends. So efficient!

10:44 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

I always take off in flight, loop dee loop, then tie it like a pretty package before landing. I'm known for it.

I left THIS over in comments on your blog:

It's at this point that cherry KoolAid rains down from the heavens and Madonna shoots babies out of ever her tightening ass where angels catch them and go..."Thank you Miles Davis...and Nefertiti.....cause you just know Nefs has got a thing going for Miles.

12:01 AM  
Blogger WDCD/DRFS/aka Sue said...

Liz Taylor is the best. When she was traveling with John Warner everyone came out for her...even overweight...she was stunning.

Where are the dames from our past? Now we have pale imitations...women like Madonna who say they speak their mind...but who also throw tantrums when they find they are not invincible. I think it's good to say no to one should be on a pedestal forever.

4:42 PM  

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