"If you are in your zoned section for longer than three minutes, jet acceleration will not be safe to persons in dispersal area. To avoid being singed by jet exhaust, please exit your vehicle on the right, and walk through the blue zone on the left." ~~ THX 1138
I was reading Hue
, a blog devoted to issues of color, and yesterday they reported that Baltimore Washington International Airport (BWI) would be part of a pilot program for stress reduction in specific airport screening areas.
Concourse A: Hot Rock Massage Therapy And Anal Probe
A description of the special screening area from the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) states, “Mauve, blue and purple panels of lights glow, low decibel ambient spa music hums, and smiling employees offer quiet greetings and assistance.” How do you quietly greet someone you are about to perform a strip search on?
I immediately thought of George Lucas' first film, THX 1138-- a futuristic world where sex and violence are portrayed on televisions while it's citizens are drugged to control their emotions and behaviors. Where androids dream of electric sheep.
"What's Wrong?" ~~ THX 1138
TSA planners have been tinkering in a warehouse near the Washington, D.C. airport testing these new techniques. "You can actually influence some behavior subliminally through color," said Catherine Lillie, head of the checkpoint-testing team. Can you imagine lavender tones and bloop bloop tones soothing you through long lines and shoe trays; where airport security wands
zap miscreants into thinking twice about what they are packing.
About to depart from Logan Airport one day, I couldn't help but notice a wall display of what not to take on the plane. There was the usual display of knives and nail clippers and stun guns (joking on the stun gun, friendo) but one item fascinated me. A pizza wheel. My first question was "Why?" yet obviously someone at some point had attempted to bring a pizza wheel onto an airplane.
In the name of public safety and service, I'm here to warn you against the pizza wheel. You may find yourself being lead behind a mauve and azure screened CPR (cavity probe room) while "There's No Place Like Om" pulses around you. Keep your Sbarro Supreme
in the main concourse, and you should be fine. Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Oh, this would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind!”
Labels: BWI, Cavity Search, Colors, Contraband, D.C., Logan Airport, National Airport, Pizza Wheel, Sbarro, The Washington Post, THX 1138, Transportation Security Administration, TSA