No Kingdom For Old Men
From the opening moments, I kept thinking “PeePaw Jones. Harrison Ford is way too old to be playing this role anymore.” I hated the computerized special effects. I was annoyed by the goofs and obvious inconsistencies. Oh. I see. You just scrub Indy down with an industrial broom and any residues from surviving a nuclear explosion are gone? The premise of him even surviving a nuclear blast was stupid. The digital countdown numbers which didn’t exist in 1957. The slip and slide in the nuclear front yard that didn’t exist until the 1960’s. Karen Allen’s hairstyle, which did exist in 1990, but not in 1957. And what lens did they use on her? It was so blurry, it looked like it was smeared in Vaseline. My friend Tony and I were discussing this later, and he said, “You would have thought it was Barbara Walters, that lens was so coated.”
PeePaw Jones and the Search for Calista Flockhart’s Weight
PeePaw Jones and His Lost Sperm Count
PeePaw Jones and His Adventures in Colonoscopy
PeePaw Jones and The Early Bird Special
PeePaw Jones and His Erectile Dysfunction
Potatohead Jones and the Kingdom of Hasbro
Tony said, “When the Russians were in that warehouse of U.S. Military Intelligence, don’t you think they would have taken more than what they were looking for? For God sakes, it’s military intelligence artifacts. All of the stuff in there would have been worth something. When we glimpse the Ark earlier in other films? The Ark was stacked on top of boxes in the warehouse. In this movie it was on a lower shelf.”
Then we started up again:
PeePaw Jones and the Search For Kidney Stones
PeePaw Jones and the Ruins of His Face
PeePaw Jones Mystery of the Prostate
Tony added, “I thought at the end, “Wait a minute. They’d bury a flying saucer that could travel great distances to Earth, and then have all of those stupid traps?”
PeePaw Jones and the Search for His Dentures
PeePaw Jones and The Raid For His Next Hip Replacement
PeePaw Jones and the Lost Nap at Noon
I saw the saddest thing when I was leaving. All of these young girls, early twenties, all dressed up and waiting in the lobby in their groups, waiting to go in for the next showing of Sex and the City. Every single one of them had on a short dress with cleavage, bold prints, jewelry, and very high heels. They had on makeup. They had their hair done in au courant disarray, which is to say "styled to look unstyled," but they weren’t wearing Dior or Westwood or McQueen. Macy’s. The jewels not from Fred Leighton and Harry Winston. Claire’s or Forever 21. No Manolo’s or Choo's. DSW.
SJP And The Legend Of Zombie Hands
I found it odd these twenties were going to see women in their forties (and older) living out this fantasy. The gossip blogs have been vicious these past few weeks on Sarah Jessica Parker (SJP) in particular. There’s now a website called Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like a Horse, and that’s what it is: a website with side by side pictures of SJP and horses in similar poses.
As I exited, I saw another group of girls walking in, all done up and nowhere to go but a suburban mall; all going to see the fairy tale. There was a group of young men waiting to go into Dave and Buster’s right next to the theatre. Wrinkled polo shirts, crinkled shorts. Mussed….and not being bussed. I thought, “There’s something wrong here.”
This morning I was telling all of this to my friend Drew, while I was driving and on my way to do my errands, and when I told him about the young men at Dave and Buster’s he laughed and said, “Hell….that sounds like a better trade-off to me. Dave and Buster’s, getting drunk, and killing zombies.”
Kill the Brain. Kill the Zombie.
* I threw in a link to a punk group out of California called "The Twinkeyz" singing "There's Aliens In Our Midst." They've also got a My Space page: MySpace.com - the TWINKEYZ - Experimental / Punk / New Wave - www.myspace.com/twinkeyzusa