Thursday, March 05, 2009

Twitter Twatter

I have had no interest in signing onto Twitter. I swear I've seen some shared "thoughts" listed on other's Twitter sites like, "My baby just had a poop going up to his neck."** Or. "Kawfee. I need kawfee." Fascinating. I will never be joining the Twitter Twatters.

Here is my Twittering for the day. I was sitting in a doctor's waiting room and the aide came out and called, "Miz Merman?" A zaftig, middle-aged woman with teased hair in a flip stood up, and I swear I expected her to burst out with~"THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS."~

I wish she had.

** ...and as aside, if I were going to write about baby poop? I would be quoting from Tolstoy's War and Peace when Natasha, (the now domesticated country wife,) runs ecstatically, holding forth a sick baby's diaper gone from green to healthy yellow. I would talk about drop seat Chinese baby outfits where babies are unbuttoned and held over trenches, or Hanoi Jane Fonda being chastized in Vietnam for her own child not being potty trained...and the Vietnamese showing her how.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Cube. How you crack me up. Now that the weather has turned balmy, I think La Merman would be belting out "Everything's Coming Up Roses".

-- grince

1:52 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

Uh... I know "twatter" is supposed to rhyme with "patter", but um... I keep thinking it rhymes with "daughter".

3:09 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Grince: Admit it. You know you would have thought the same thing.

66'er: A twat is a stupid person, in British slang; i.e. rhymes with "prat," more British slang for an equally stupid soul, and sexual connotation behind both. So "twit," "twat," you're a "prat."
Only YOU aren't.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

The "twat" term got thrown around a lot back when I worked in London, along with calling people a "git," "wanker" or a "useless tosser." My favorite though was the spectacularly useful passive-aggressive brush-off retort of "I'll get that sorted."

As for twitter, I'm with you 100%. Please tell me you've seen this already:

2:17 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Hammer: I used to live long stretches in London, too, and I thought I'd get into it more with wanker, git, etc., but I thought it would carry me too far astray into an entirely new blog piece.

As for that Jon Stewart piece. Exactly. I "half" thought of joining Twitter for a nannosecond. His points are on target. Coming off the Beltway to a dicey exit, the guy behind me was texting and in a lean to see his screen better. And saying what? "I'm exiting the Beltway?"

You don't get your news in these sound bites that could potentially get passed around. You listen to the source. To me it's just one more excuse to not listen to someone. I was attacked as an old newspaper reading fogey over on 66's blog last night for just this stance.

But I'm reporting from the streets. I keep my eyes and ears open, and I've yet to see any "news" of important pass on these technology byways. Other than "OMG Tyler in Chem is HAWT."

And for the record, I am a tech junkie. Love my iPhone. Loving aps. Love speed on the machines. And a personal quirk of mine, "I text in full sentences, fast, using punctuation."

As for My Space and Facebook. I say it has value for some, but not for me. My "thing" this past week has been getting words accepted on Urban Dictionary (for fun.)

3:35 PM  
Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

You have class, Cube. If you were on twitter, you would be the wittiest twitterer on the planet.

7:38 PM  
Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

i always liked "wanker" - said with a british accent of course.

7:41 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

First of all, you were hardly "attacked," so calm down. Second, maybe you've yet to actually look at Twitter - assuming that everyone SpEaKs LyKe dIs (OMGZ!) in incomplete moronic, sentences, just tweeting little absurd pieces of info better left to Myspace profiles, exemplifies a pretty poor understanding of the concept, the functionality and the practicality of Twitter. Oh - and of the audience.

The people Twitter has connected - the information it can generate, the things it can facilitate happening - are actually pretty incredible. I'm still inclined to think that if you were truly the techie you say you are, you'd be fascinated & impressed rather than disdainful and, yep, I'll say it again - cranky.

Just sayin'.

1:24 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

I'd encourage Kate to read a little Baudrillard, but unfortunately, he doesn't Twitter. (Or do much of anything else these days, other than nap beneath his headstone.)

Whoever forgot to put the daily dose of Benadryl in her sippy cup is totally on notice though.

We kid because we love...


Okay, I'm off to an alumni renuion thing now. Don't worry though, folks. I'll Twitter it.

Oh wait, no. I don't Twitter. DAMMIT!!!

I have wasted my life...

2:14 PM  
Blogger Velvet said...

OMG! How dare that dumb bitch come on to your blog and attack! Back in the day, I used to harass, taunt and ultimately force the close of blogs penned by these little "fighters." That was fun but I'm old now.

Okay, I need to go write up a new tweet: Still waiting for the hemorrhoid to subside so I can make a pooh!

12:46 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:03 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

I have decided to bypass Twitter entirely and have purchased one of these. I recommend that all you cranky, hopelessly-out-of-touch Luddites follow my example. Don't you realize that new technology is always better and makes the lives we led prior to its unveiling laughably sad and pathetic? Shit, even my Grandma picked one up at Best Buy just the other day. I mean Twitter? Are you serious?!?!?! The fact that those geezers on CNN are even talking about Twitter just proves that it is soooooo 2008.

[p.s. - I tried to type this comment earlier, but that stupid Sony piece of shit I just bought that doesn't even work corrupted it somehow. Where's the manual? What? The manual is on paper? PAPER?!?!?! Oh for fuck's sake...]

2:07 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

I call dibs on the name "Wanker" for when I invent the next great technology...whatever that will be.

11:01 AM  
Blogger rothko said...

I *heart* Twitter cuz its kewl. But it don't make me kewl. Nor does it make me talk pretty. :-(

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


"Wittiest Twitterer" may just be my new band name!

Some of my friends are trying to get me to join them on I have a difficult enough time scorning twitter, let alone twitter-knockoffs.

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently texting, twittering at my PDA.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `twittering at this ungodly hour -
Only this, and nothing more.'

9:18 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I've seen the baby outfits with a slit in the back. Hubbie and I were in China. First time i saw a mother hold her child out over the street to pee, i couldn't believe my eyes. After a while, you kinda got used to it. Totally nasty...

(BTW, -loved- the images you linked to in your comments on my blog. and those coffee cups are fantastic!)

4:10 PM  

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