Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What Would You Say If....?

I started thinking about some of the odd conversations I get into with people, and this passion people have for giving dating advice in Washington blogs. Me? I can talk to anyone about anything, but I was thinking: maybe conversational gambits would be good advice to pass on to people. Let's keep it to "five."

“What Would You Say If....,” you meet a man or a woman,( let’s say a bar,) and they share their interests or passions, and then, there’s that one thing said into drunkedy drunk drunk number five that is extreme, but could be the home run of answers in sealing the deal for a date.

For example, you are sitting next to a nice looking young man at a bar, and he tells you he is into death metal, guns and plumbing. Could you come up with five things to say to hold his attention and draw the conversation out? Things like:

1) I think the Desert Eagle is a superlative handgun….and I want one in gold.

2) What’s wrong with cleaning your AK-47 on the front porch. It sends a message to the neighbors.

3) Ozzy kicks Ronnie James Dio’s ass.

4) The "Do-It "Heavy Duty Toilet Auger kicks the Drum Auger’s ass.

And then when you’re really drunk:

5) I got the lead singer of Slayer to autograph my back, then I went and got the signature tattooed on.
It's always good to have a few bar tricks up your sleeve as well. Here's a good one for the cocktail napkin. You know how to draw Slayer's pentagram:

A simple drawing lesson. You will first draw a large circle with another circle in the outer middle. Then you will start with the inner lines like the two slanted vertical lines and the beginning lines of the "Slayer letters" in the middle of the vertical lines.

Start drawing out the sword lines that will make up the pentagram symbol. There is a total of four blade lines and on each blade you will add the short vertical lines for the handles. Add more lines for the lettering as seen here.

Add more lines for the logo lettering as shown and then detail the handles of the swords.

Draw out each individual blade that will later form a sword like pentagram. One edges of the handle draw teeth like spikes as shown.

If you are having a cocktail for each step, things "might" not look this clean. Erase all the guidelines and shapes that you drew in step one. Finish off the lining for the blades until they are completed and whole looking as well as the details on each handle. You will then draw the rest of the letters that say "Slayer". When you are done, move to the next step to check out what your drawing should look like.

If you're still talking at this point, color it in and write your phone number or Tweets ID on the bottom of the napkin.


*Thanks to Drago Art for the drawing lesson.

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Blogger Phil said...

My parents?

A plumber, and a stewardess. That photo is not all that far off (well, excpet that my dad was a plumber in the 60s so he was much more clean-cut than that gentleman) -- but still...a stewardess was condisdered hot-shit back then, and a plumber was, well, a plumber.

I don't know if my dad was into whatever the equivalent of Slayer was in those days, but he did like guns - and in fact, would take my mother to Underground Atlanta to shoot rats with a rifle and a flashlight as a date.

Mom has no tattoos that I am aware of.

9:57 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Lead singer of Slayer and his wife, Phil. Most of that stuff I used, by the way, were bits and pieces of a conversation I had with my plumber last week. Number five is a variation of someone I know.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

I wonder if the Masons knew about this?

10:07 AM  
Blogger Velvet said...

I'm speechless. Truly.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Reya: There's another one...what do you discuss with a Mason...that one's easy. Or a Manson...again...easy.

Velvet: speechless? Somehow I don't think leaving Velvet speechless is good. I mean..how is that even possible (see her last blog entry.)

10:23 AM  
Blogger cs said...

First, I believe you have to call the Desert Eagle a "Deagle" to show you're up on the Counterstrike lingo (if people still play that game).

Second, would you want to have a conversation -- with possibility of dating/hooking up -- with someone about Slayer or death metal in general? That and monster trucks are generally signals for me to excuse myself.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Cuff: Laughing at Deagle and "yes."

Also laughing about having a conversation(s) with someone about these things. I think if someone is attractive enough to you, you'll talk to them about anything including monster trucks, hybrids of tomato, eating snails, the best cream for bruises, or why Kruchschev was always taking off his shoe and banging it. Have you been in a bar lately? I get into some very strange conversations there.

11:01 AM  
Anonymous suicide_blond said...

have i said i love you lately?? christ on a stick...
a desert eagle?? from what i understand thats one great big ole pistol made by bad ass hebrews...apologies to mr mcmurtry...
i was just singing and NOT doing it justice...

cc: deagle!!! omg...

11:51 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Blondie: Mutal hugs and kisses. Let's thank Cuff over at Countersignature for "Deagle," and that walk down memory lane. I know re: Desert Eagle. I had to keep a straight face talking to my plumber about these things. He was a cute guy, hardworker, but when he went off about guns (and thank God I know about them,) it got very interesting...oh yes..his passion for metal groups. And yes, he really did clean his AK on the front porch. He lives down in Waldorf and had just had a big drug shootout next door to his townhouse hence: send a message. And Phil and the others..Hammer..I hope you note SB knows her weaponry.

11:56 AM  
Blogger Phil said...

Really? Because he looks like a plumber.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

Desert Eagles are overkill. If you're shooting at anything big enough to require that kind of caliber, you best be doing it with a rifle, and you best be doing it at a distance.

SB may know weaponry, but so do I. Furthermore, I actually OWN weaponry. I ain't scurred.

4:12 PM  
Blogger Velvet said...

Cube - I believe it is the cocktail napkin. It came from left field, it brought me out to left field, then it dropped me there without a ride back and no one could hear my screams. That's the long way of saying: You really come up with the funniest things to do on a date.


5:08 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Hammer: Being from the South, of course you own guns. Aren't y'all still fighting "THE" Wahr?

Velvet: You know me, honey. I could even come up with good second and third dates on that guy.

6:33 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

Hell no we ain't still fightin' the war - it's just fun to shoot stuff.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

I like shootin' stuff.

9:02 PM  
Blogger kob said...

I agree completely with Hammer on this one.

10:37 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Let's go put that pentangle up in some woods and go shoot that


11:30 PM  

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