(Keep On) Truckin' On Tite Street

....get me The Royal College of Heraldry....STAT

Many of you who read my blog know that I sell things online through eBay and Amazon. This past week, I finally had my first royal sale. I sold a cd of the Grateful Dead to a Marquis in London, and "yes," he's the real deal. I googled him.

I always knew there might come the day, when I would be selling a beanie baby to Brad Pitt, or a Hound Dog Taylor cd to Margaret Thatcher, but I never quite pictured a hereditary royal scanning for sales.

The cd was mailed off to his London home on Tite Street, an infamous street in Chelsea that previous housed, among others, Oscar Wilde and John Singer Sargent. I show Sargent's studio in a picture below. My Marquis bought his own home from a Rothschild in the 1990's.

He also inherited the family castle in the Northern part of England. I was telling Reya of http://thegoldpuppy.blogspot.com/ about this sale, and how I had a hard time reconciling this man listening to the Dead in his castle. She wrote back, with a *snap*, "Looks like the perfect place to crank up the Dead, if you ask me."

Who, What, When, Where, How

Lately in the news, it's the same ole, same ole. I wonder if the same ole standards of good reporting still apply: Who, What, When, Where, Why?

"She's gonna love Queen's "We Will Rock You."

1) What is with the Queen's iPod?

QEII asked the Obama's for an iPod, and they obliged, filling it with her favorite Richard Rodgers show tunes. What was he gonna slap on there? Me So Horny by 2 Live Crew? Be glad Obama gave her Richard Rogers. I would have picked an iPod in acid green and slammed the Sex Pistols opening with “God Save the Queen,” followed by The Clash doing “London Calling,” The Kinks doing “Victoria,” and “She Bought a Hat Like Princess Marina,” then The Beatles, “Her Majesty,” (Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl, but she doesn’t have a lot to say.”) The Obama gift? Trust me. It could have been worse. How about Queen doing "Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy," "Another One Bites the Dust," and "We Are the Champions (of the World.)"

2) When are we going to get over the whole cutsey-bowing thing. Our Queen, Elizabeth Taylor, said, "I've met them, and they are just regular people. Shake their hand and act normally."

Frankly, I’d be more impressed meeting Ms. Taylor. Could the Queen rule in her slip, the way Liz did in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? Could QE II make her Christmas speech, uttering a line like, “Mama, face it: I was the slut of all time,” like Liz did in Butterfield 8.

Don't You Just Know That Madonna Was That Kid Saying "I'm taking the ball and going home if we don't play my game." Only now she's taking home her baby, her millions, a phalanx of media coverage and that promised party.

3) Who's is happy that Madonna's adoption fell through in Malawi?

Me, Me, Me!!! Happy over the Madonna decision? Yes. She goes in waving her fame and money around trying to actively circumvent a country’s laws. Who named her Queen of the April? And I read she had a temper tantrum back in her hotel room after the Court ruling, storming at her lawyer’s failings, “How could this happen to me?” With her child Lourdes….her CHILD folks, wrapping her arms around her mother trying to calm her down. Reflect. WHAT is wrong with this picture? THEN she decides to…oh I don’t know…THROW A PARTY. This isn’t about a child in a Malawi orphanage, and don't try convincing anyone otherwise.

4) Where is that great baby video?

Go watch this past weekend’s satire on Saturday Night Live where “Angelina” and “Madonna” fight over babies. The sketch is called “Spicy Brown Babies and (spoiler alert) Angelina wins the baby game when she announces she’s getting a baby from Russia that has a baby, within a baby, within a baby. This is what really has people up in arms. It’s not the poor orphaned child and rescue thereof. It’s motive. And we aren’t fools.


5) How come Nefertiti always looks so good without plastic surgery?

Recent reporting indicates that Nefertiti, history's first great beauty, also may have undergone history's first makeover. The famous bust of Nefertiti has long been a standard of beauty. Now researchers have discovered that beneath the stucco head, there exists another face, the original created from stone. The differences are minor — creases at the corners of the mouth, a little bump on the nose.

" These creases and bumps? What surgery? What plaster covering? This is me. I never had a bump. I just….eat healthy, drink lots of lotus juice and rub tons of eucalyptus oils followed by a mask of pyramid dust clay. Oh yeah…munching a grape…my trainer has me run out to the Valley of the Kings then do Pyramid steps. Great for the abs and butt. And those rumors about my having my organs removed and put in Canopic jars? I mean…really. I’m Queen of the Nile….Madonna….or should I say…Denial?

What's on MY iPod? D'uh..."Walk Like An Egyptian."