Wednesday, July 08, 2009

What's The Secret, Colonel Sanders?

The "Tijuana Bucket." The Chicken Has Tails.

Back when Oprah had her hysteria driven "free anything" audience bombard KFC, my manicurist got online and secured about 20 print out coupons (2-piece grilled chicken, two sides and a medium drink.) Within days of that, she passed on two of the coupons to me, and off I went, in line with others waving their paper, only to be told, "You'll have to take a rain check," (which struck me as odd since others around me were buying grilled chicken.) That night on late night television, the CEO of KFC (an Australian) apologized to the viewers that KFC had underestimated the response from the Oprah offer. I don't buy that. Oprah says shit pearls, and we're all wearing six-strand Mikimotos.

I had to go to a KFC, get a special form, fill it out and attach my original coupon, mail it, then wait. The coupons finally arrived, and I picked up my freebie for lunch today. I did not announce in advance I was paying with the coupon. The sides were sides. They were fine. Pepsi fine. What floored me was the chicken. Since I don't know KFC etiquette, I was told by the cashier I had to chose "a wing and a breast," or "a leg and a thigh." I went with leg/thigh. I have never seen such greasy grilled chicken in my life, number one, and where did they get these impossibly tiny mutant chickens? I could have been eating a rat leg.

Do you think the Colonel is telling Michael Jackson the secret spices recipe? Is he saying, "I know your Daddy?"

"Fust, you git the oil really hot."

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Blogger Phil said...

You can't blame the Colonel. If he were alive, this abomination they call "grilled" chicken wouldn't exist.

I'm sure he is spinning in his 11 herbs and spices right now.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Cyndy said...

Yeah the old KFC with the 11 herbs and spices was good. Grilled chicken from KFC does not sound like a good idea. At least it was free. But not worth the effort apparently.

4:56 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Phil: I am sure he is spinning over a lot of things. I was watching Goldfinger one night, and when James Bond gets to Kentucky,the FBI go into a KFC to get some coffee.

Cyndy: I am sure my manicurist thought she was giving me a treat, and maybe payback for some things I've done for her. Obviously I am not a KFC regular and don't know the lingo. It was a lot of work for a freebie.

6:37 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Go see Food Inc. and you will know where they are getting those chickens. Wait -- the chickens in Food Inc. were fattened so fast they couldn't stand up when they were killed. I'm still sure it's the commercial chicken farmers who are supplying McD's with their birds grown in the dark nowhere near a blade of grass.

Probably not bad for a free chicken sandwich, but would I pay for it? Absolutely not!

9:37 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

But Barbara, you can't have the Colonel or Ronald running around trying to catch my chicken sandwich...then they'll probably charge us more for the effort!

11:16 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Barbara and Phil: I am usually careful with what I purchase and consume. Food is fuel, but you also want it to look and taste good. I've noticed with produce I get at Whole Foods, that it lasts a lot longer, because it's fresher. The other day I bought a bag of carrots...a hard root vegetable, to make some marinated carrots, this was at poor people's Shoppers, and the very next day the carrots were limp and bendable. I can see Phil going off on hard and limp, but let's leave it, Phil. Point being, they were already past it. Ya gets what ya pays for. I do have one more of those free coupons. Not sure if I'll use it or not.

11:56 AM  
Blogger Phil said...

Carrots and male prostitutes: you get what you pay for.

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get thee to Eastern Market, woman! Mr. Inman has the real deal in chickens -- he actually has seen them raised on real farms. All those nasty chicken houses (including the three story variety) you pass on the way to Rehoboth with the name of Purdue on them are where those pidgeon parts come from. Yuk.

-- grince

10:18 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Phil: No kidding.

Grince: Kathy. There are a lot of places around here to get better quality. I know a good turkey farm, too. I can remember driving to the ocean and sitting at stop lights in Salisbury where Perdue is headquartered and seeing chicken feathers blowing around downtown. Talk about "owning" a city.

10:26 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

i've never had KFC in my life. Probably because when i was little, my babysitter told me KFC takes rat guts and presses them into molds that look like chicken parts, then breads and fries them up. Yum. scared me for life.

Of course, that very same babysitter also told me that swimming pools are 95% spit. I didn't get in a pool for that entire summer. can we say impressionable?

Sure wish i could be a vegetarian and save all those yummy little fowl, but boy do they taste good!

1:54 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Rachel: I was a vegetarian for a really long time, and am more veg now than not. I went through a period of severe anemia recently, and that got me back on protein. I think I've stayed on it for fear of the anemia returning, but I would say, for me, most meals do not involve meat or fish. I don't eat KFC on a regular basis...and not in years, until this coupon came my way. I saw my manicurist this weekend (the one who gifted me.) She told me within the first day or two of Oprah doing this on her show...KFC was supplying normal sized chicken and cups...which means a fairly good sized quantity. What I was able to report back to her was that they have since wised up and are now giving out "spoonfuls" on the sides and this dwarf chicken. I remember once having KFC years ago and seeing this "grey bit of something" that I could swear was the chicken's butt. That put me off for life. As for public swimming pools, I view them as public pee ponds...and don't tell me about chlorine killng it.

I thought of you the other day in terms of seeing something about color. Now what was it? Power lines?

7:06 PM  
Blogger Ryane said...

I have heard that the 'grilled' chicken at KFC isn't really grilled; rather, the grill marks are added to the chicken post cooking. So, not only is it mystery-meat chicken, it's not even real grill marks. I agree w/Phil; there has got to be a chicken walking across the Colonel's grave right now...

7:12 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Ryane: I read some really detailed article a while back about the Colonel, and he was a serious businessman that ran a tight ship: he wanted the food to be consistently good, he wanted a cheerful staff, he wanted cleanliness in his restaurants. He made a pact with the Devil when he signed his name and rights away....and humorously enough, my word verification is: redish

8:35 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

LOL public pee pools... love it.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Phil said...

Yeah - you'd rather be swimming in spit than what is most assuredly 5% water, 80% urine, 10% liquid feces, and 5% pubic hair.

1:14 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

THAT does it. Everyone out of the pool.

1:36 PM  
OpenID somebodystolemytwinkie said...

oh gawddd..... thank goodness I have my own pool where I can pee or not pee in it and it's MY pee so it's all good!

I used to love Kentucky Fried Chicken but haven't eaten there since way before it turned into "KFC" I'm not a big fan of eating fast food. OH unless it's Baja Fresh. That is yummy!

2:55 PM  
Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

All I could see when I looked at the first image was, "Marijuana picnic."

I must be having flashbacks!

6:03 PM  
Blogger home before dark said...

Read your comments today at Pigtown Design and again I was touched by your writing and your memories.

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Kate said...

WC...........The "father" in that ad for KFC is my cousin Brian Kelly. He starred as the widowed father of 2 sons who worked as the game warden in the original "Flipper" tv series in the 60's. He died at age 74 in 2005. What a shock to see that ad!

11:43 AM  
Blogger Phil said...

Boy, the Colonel is more active these days than WC is.

6:27 PM  

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