Flush With Success

I was at the gym last night, inside a bathroom stall, and I heard a young woman enter the dressing room and stand outside the door of the toilet, seemingly talking on her cell phone. She entered the stall next to me, still talking on her cell phone, and I heard her say, "I've just finished reading a book called "You Can Be A Success And You Will Be!" (fictitious title, but you get the drift), and you know something? I am going to be a success (I heard her peeing at this point,) and Jim at work? He is not going to get to me anymore or get me down. I am going to get ahead and get what I want in life (grabbing at toilet paper and wiping,) and (flushing,) after reading this book I know I can have anything I want in life. "

I was, and am, speechless.

PART TWO

I poppped into a Dunkin' Donuts for a cup of coffee for a nice jolt to get me through back to back workouts, and I saw a young Hispanic woman enter, in an advanced state of pregnancy with a young baby in his onesie on her hip. She set him on the counter while she talked to her friend working there, and I watched as the diapered baby butt skid around where people receive their food, then watched him crawl over to the oversized coffee mug for tips. My Spanish is for cacahuete, but I understood enough that the cashier said, "Just like a little man," when he knocked the cup over and all of the money he was grabbing at fell out. Then his mother reached into her diaper bag, opened a bottle of Pepsi, handing it to the baby who drank from it like a bottle, then took several swigs of it herself. I've got nothing further to add on that one. I'm a woman who puts Splenda in her coffee. I've got my own issues.