Fried French

" Yo. Vous want frites wit dat?"

As many of you know, I sell books, CD's and DVD's on Amazon in my continued efforts to simplify my life. Today I sold a boxed DVD set of The Wire (Fourth Season) to someone in Paris, France (not Texas.) I usually write a personal note on the invoice slip, thanking the person for their purchase. I wrote in French, "....Merci, pour la commande...."but I was thinking of the buyer and how a French person would interpret inner city school life in West Baltimore. For example, when Prop Joe says, "I'm like a marriage counselor. Tell the man he oughta bring the bitch some flowers every once in a while. Tell the bitch she gotta suck some cock every once in a while. That sort of shit," it translates into "Je suis comme un mariage conseiller. Dites-il l'homme oughta mettre la chienne quelques fleurs de temps en temps. Dites la chienne, elle dois sucer certains queue tous les temps en temps. Ce genre de merde," but can you truly translate that? And in this country, would it really be flowers and chocolate ice cream anymore, or tears, tantrum and a new car?


And who gets to do the voice overs on these things? Standing in a black room in front of a white screen, asking the dub director, "Quelle est ma motivation ?

I must have been in a Frencified frame of mind, because I went over and dumped a comment in French on Les Playaz blog, as if I was reviewing Phil's video effects for Cahiers du Cinéma and taking him to task for not using a soundtrack of Steve Earle's "Copperhead Road" and Buck Owens "Will There Be Big Rigs in Heaven,":





Ce n'est pas un véritable exemple de Cinéma vérité aussi connu sous le nom de "vérité vérité" car il n'est pas modulaire underlaying le thème musical de conduire l'action en avant en vérité. Vérité une vérité en quelque sorte. Où est "Bonnie Jean": La distance de femme par rapport à la perte de la télécommande, une utilisation obsédante de Steve Earle's "Copperhead Road" a thématique s'inscrivent dans les traditions des générations du Sud avec le jugement qui nous attend tous, comme envisage de Buck Owens "Sera-t-il Big Rigs dans le ciel?" On ne peut pas inscrire ce travail dans le même genre que "Tirez sur le pianiste" sans ces considérations. Truffaut de "La mariée était en noir" fait bon usage de cet effet qui pourrait bien être ajouté par une application judicieuse de "The Girl on the Billboard." Et où est Wayne? Un article récent paru dans Cahiers du Cinéma revendications scènes cruciales ont été laissées sur le plancher salle de coupe en raison de différends contractuels. On ne peut que s'étonner de voir ce travail dans sa globalité.



The day doesn't bode well. I had already cited John Wayne Gacy on another blog saying I couldn't see Ronald McDonald without thinking "serial killer clown." I think my day should end this way, and I just happen to have a bottle, chillin' in the fridgedaire. It ain't Mad Dog 20/20, but it'll do:

Ce qui un jour!

Five? I'll Bet I Could Give You Ten

I was lying down briefly, after I had gotten home and unloaded my day (bags, papers, put away, put away,) and I debated taking a nap (too late). I started reflecting over this past week…a lot of it not so great, and read my email...most of it not good at all, and I thought, “Try and think of five things that were pretty good about today.” Hmmm:

1) I saw so many varied, blooming trees and noticed how incongruous that pink and white tissue seems against some of their urban backdrops, but I’ll take it where I can get it, including my varied daffodils. I’m especially enjoying the white on whites this year.

2) I finally started working on another blog piece today after having just posted yesterday so “score” on that. I didn’t get it finished, but it will be. I hope I can produce more.

3) I ran by the grocery store tonight. In the language of Bush, “Didn’t want to. Did. Glad.” When I came out of the market, it was twilight and birds were twittering about, settling in for the night. I looked up at this sickly tree, and there were two birds in the branches. I stopped and had a conversation with them. I asked them why they stayed apart when they should be joining the other birds. That it would be nicer and they could get all cozy and warm. Then I had a pretend conversation between the birds. I admit it. I’m not ashamed:

Girl Bird: "Yah Yah Yah. You with the berry in your beak. I know your type. I’ve seen you on the ground all fluffed out and strutting around. I’ve seen you flying around gathering twigs and grasses. I know what you really want."

Boy Bird: "All the mod cons, my little chickadee."

Anyway. They flew off to the others. They took my tip on the bird pajama party. They can spin platters like...."Rockin' Robin." Tweet. Tweet.




4) I went to pick up some books on hold at a library. They use the machines where you check yourself out. For some time now I could swear the machine was saying, “Please do not forget to take your libary card.” Today I was sure that’s what it said. There were people next to me, using the other machine. It repeated the phrase. Others waited. I turned to them and said, “It’s true.! It’s saying libary.” We laughed and discussed that this is what it’s come down to at the libary. When I went outside, right by the front door, there was a holly tree. I looked down. Berries. I was at the liberry. I should have complained at the dest. Driving down the road, I heard an amblance.

5) In the checkout line at the grocery store, I picked up the new issue of OK magazine with Britney Spears on the cover: the issue that’s been all over the place this week, “Britney’s Slim Down Secrets! How She Lost 15 Pounds in Four Weeks!” I held the issue up to the cashier and said, “…and here’s Britney’s secret. That photograph was taken in 2003. I read the gossip blogs on the ‘net. I make it my job to spread the truth. Her secret is a time machine." The cashier could not stop laughing. I told her, "OK magazine lies. I do not lie." Laughter. I was playing to a solid house. When I was done with my checkout she said, “Thank you for making me laugh.” I wondered. Who makes me laugh?


That’s five. What could ten be? Let’s see.




6) My mountain laurel is blooming. Lavender blossoms.

7) I sent a birthday card to a friend and did a bangup job with it. I would show it or describe it, but he reads this blog, and he hasn’t gotten the card yet, so….

8) Tattoos that made me laugh. Last night when I couldn’t sleep, I was channel surfing and caught part of L.A. Ink. The artists were at a convention, and one woman wanted to pick up some ink from a former colleague in Chicago, a remembrance of when she lived there. He sketched out a rat with a banner beneath it saying “Chicago.” At first she was reluctant. He said, “Chicago has rats.” She agreed and let him ink a rat on her wrist. Tonight, I saw a woman in a short sleeved top with what I thought were two black panther tails curling down her arm. She lifted up her sleeves. On both arms, down the back, F holes. “Like on a guitar,” she said.

9) Listening to my iPhone go off and hearing my ringtone: the opening staccato rhythms of The Dropkick Murphys doing “Shipping Up To Boston.” I keep seeing Jack Nicholson driving over the Bunker Hill Bridge in The Departed. I love crossing that bridge at night.

10) Explaining steamed spotted dick.