tOy Veh Story!

I doubt that I'll be going to see Toy Story 3. For one thing, I am not a fan of Pixar animations. If anything they creep me out. I'd much rather watch old Betty Boop cartoons:


I heard from my friend Phil (formerly of Playaz Ball) this weekend. He was taking his children to see Toy Story 3. I had just been reading various reviews of the movie. So many cited this "beautiful full-circle ending for the toys," and "...a beautiful transition ending for Andy's childhood," and "...as long as we remember that our inner child isn't what we're told, but what we invent."

After listening to Phil's little adventure into Toy world, I wonder how much of his own inner child survived. Here it is in his own words:

This is neither here nor there, but I had to share this. We were taking our girls to see Toy Story 3 today. We had a coupon for a free TS3 movie ticket from a DVD we bought recently. All you had to do was log on and print your ticket with the code they give you.

We logged on to the Disney site, put in our code, and they gave us some "validation code" and they - I sh*t you not - ask you to hand write the validation code onto a ticket you print, then TAKE A PHOTO OF THAT - THEN....UPLOAD IT BACK TO THEIR WEBSITE before they would give you your "free ticket." I thought, "Am I being had? Is someone filming me right now?? Am I running this site?" (meaning the surreal creations on his blog.)

This morning, he sent me the directions and the sample photograph of what Disney provides:

Create Your Proof Of Purchase

1. Place your 1 tickets next to each other on a table.
2. Check out our example proof on the right.
3. Clearly write your unique submission code 8132478 on each of the tickets
using a blue or black pen - as illustrated by our example right.
4. Use a digital camera to take one picture of all the 1 tickets. Try to make
sure that the tickets fill up as much as possible of the picture.
5. Save the picture to your computer (refer to the computer or camera manual
for how to do this).
6. Upload your proof of purchase photo.


Phil said, "I did go to the movie. I did not jump through their (hula) hoops." One reviewer said, "I raise my hand, and without shame, add my name to the list of adult males who shed more than a couple of tears at this movie." I'm guessing after his own ordeal, Phil may be shedding a few of his own over lost innocence. Define "free," eh Phil?

"All this for a ticket? What? You don't think I'm human?"

..that's all folks!

Soo Ee Flu EeA Public Service Announcement

KOB of DC Blogs has asked me, WCH (Washington Cube Health…or WhatCha WannHa Know?) to step up and issue a PSA (Public Service Announcement or Phuck Service Announcements) about the Swine Flu since the WHO (World Health Organization…or the group,) have been doing nothing but alarming people this weekend.

• Stay away from anything to do with pigs. I’m not even going near my piggy bank where I drop off my change every night. Why risk it?

• This also means “no” to Aunt Annie’s Pretzel Dogs at the airport (I-66!).

• Reading anything with pigs in it like Animal Farm or Charlotte’s Web. Piglet in Winnie the Pooh? Diseased Swine! This includes poetry by Swinburne. Swin? Swine? Too close a call.

• Pig movies or TV shows like Babe or Sir Oinksalot in The Simpson’s. Miss Piggy (filthy slut) Arnold on Green Acres, however, is “safe.” I received that news from a solid source.

• No Meat Loaf (the food or the singer.) Both contain pork.

• No riding Harley Hogs during this epidemic.

• No tref, but yes to Hebrew National. Kosher.

• Do not use a spork.

• You will find free antibiotics in the candy aisles at drugstores. Look near the Good N’ Plenty and Jelly Belly section.

• Do not touch anything. Yourself or anyone else. You are meat.

• Do not eat pork. This goes without saying. And when the pork industry starts screaming “unfair,” remind them how people avoided chickens during the Avian Flu epidemic.

• D.C. Metro stations are installing Purell gel machines. Do not use these as a public masturbation aid.



• Wear a respiratory mask. Then cover it with a pig mask. You’ll either look like a Kubrick extra wandering around from Eyes Wide Shut, or people will know to keep their distance, either way.

• If someone says “pig” or “swine” you can yell “Holla” as in Pig’s Holla, Georgia where The Playaz are building the world’s largest still.

• Close down Congress which is pork-tacular. H.R. Soo Ee! Pig Pig Pig!

Close down Congressman Murtha’s dead airport built on pork. Cite public health reasons. There’s no one flying in there anyway.

• Congressman, Barbara Cubin, put in almost $200,000 for digitalizing and editing the collection at the Buffalo Bill Historical Center. And she's not even in office anymore. Cite “buffalo” as the next swine. Totonka Flu! When Buffalo Flu mutates with Avian Flu there will be an entirely new strain to worry about called Buffalo Wings Flu! You heard it here first.

• Tom Harkin’s request for $2 million for swine odor and manure management. Leave that alone. He’s a visionary.

• No Porkbelly’s. No Rockland’s. No Georgia Brown’s. No Famous Dave’s. No Willard’s. No Red, Hot and Blue. No Smokey Bones. No Urban and especially “no” to Three Pigs.

• No Jimmy Dean’s, even if his house burned down. No Smithfield’s and that means “no” Paula Deen as far as I’m concerned. You can’t be too safe. No bacon (Jordan Baker I mean YOU and "yes" those bacon jellybeans count!) and don’t argue with me on German Forest ham. “Nein!”

• New money. Issue all new money. Current issue could have swine germs on it. It could have been Madoff money!

• No to Nine Inch Nails "Piggy," or "March of the Pig," The Beatles "Piggy," Suicidal Tendencies

"Choking This Pig," Dave Matthews Band "Pig, " Sugar Ray "American Pig, " or Eminem Chokin’ This Pig." Pull them off yer iTunes. You could get SICK listening to this. The vaccine? Beck singing Ass-Hole, and I warned Suicide Blonde about Meatloaf, so what does she do...BLONDE...goes out tonight on a date, and he sings Meatloaf Karoke to her! You are gonna get SO sick. I am courier biking over massive amounts of drugs to you tomorrow with a vodka chaser.

• Personally, D.C., I don’t care. Go out to bars, shove your tongue down someone’s throat. Have your noses and lips drop off. Turn D.C. into Carville, Louisiana. Have people wandering with bells around their necks yelling out “unclean, unclean.”

• Lastly, do not watch Porky Pig cartoons and boycott anything Warner Brothers, Looney Tunes or Merrie Melodies. Do, however, to continue honoring Mel Blanc in your hearts.

• “That’s all folks!”