Sunday, November 06, 2005

What DSL Really Means


It's always fun to have a day out with girlfriends. I met my Cape friend, Ingrid, and we went out for some shopping time. I found new makeup (eyeshadow, blush and a lip gloss in a shade called "Desire"), and a pretty (but not pricey) velvet scarf for my Boho winter with a jewel toned crystal hair ornament to match. And fishnets....lots of pretty fishnets. Ingrid was looking for a elegant bar stool for her kitchen, so we decided to pop in to a local Ethan Allen. The girl at the desk got on the telephone to summon an aide to show us around the shop, while Ingrid wandered off into the next room. The way she chose to identify us sounded like a cop describing two perps. I stood there and heard the receptionist say "Teresa, you are needed up front. There are two females: one in black, one in red," and I threw out, "...and one is wearing Desire lip gloss." She never cracked a smile.



We stopped in a local coffee shop to recap our day, and I told Ingrid a story I had picked up earlier that day when I had a facial. The spa where I visited provides a full range of services, including monthly visits by a plastic surgeon where he injects ladies with their poisons of choice: botox, collagen and this new thing called Restylane. Restylane®

There is a stylist at the spa named Susan (We'll call her that as in "Desperately Seeking," as she and her husband are part of a couples swapping group. I know. I didn't think they existed either, but apparently they do). Susan used to have a
very tight, hot, body, but two years ago she was diagnosed with MS, and they have her on drugs that have bloated her out. Unfortunately, she's still dresses in her old wardrobe of skin tight and short, short, short. Susan knows this woman in the group that wanted a procedure from the doctor. I was told she is shapely, tall at 6'1", and a lot of boobage. (We'll call her Lynda after Lynda Carter in Wonder Woman).



Lynda wished to have collagen injected into her lips. Everyone was trying to talk her out of it, but she was insistent that this is what she wanted. She was left to fill out the paperwork, which included a section where you state what you are having done. The doctor arrived. (We'll call him Doctor Carter after ER),
and his assistant Wendy. When it was Lynda's turn, she was brought in to meet the doctor, and he was flipping through her paperwork. Dr. Carter said, "It says here you want DSL. I don't know what that means. Wendy? Do you know what DSL is?" Wendy stated that the only DSL she knew about was broadband. The patient Lynda spoke up and said, "I wrote that. It means "dick sucking lips." I want lips that look like that." When I was told this story I added, "Why doesn't she just get her teeth knocked out, prison style, so she is perfection." Lynda got her DSL lips, and when they were finishing up and Lynda had departed Wendy said to Dr. Carter, "I'll bet you can't wait to tell this story at the conference you are going to this weekend." He shot back, "I'll be telling this story as soon as I get to my car phone." Have a good work week everyone...and keep smiling.



DSL

31 Comments:

Blogger MissThi said...

She -could- have said Angelina Jolie lips. That was probably the look she really wanted, and no crassness necessary!

Lee

1:35 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

This woman participates in mate swapping. I'm not sure that finesse or delicacy are part of her package...although Collagen is.

1:42 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

You are too funny. Your comment above only adds to the humor of the post.

2:26 PM  
Blogger always write said...

I had a boyfriend who'd tell me all the time -- ALL THE TIME -- how much he loved my DSLs. Out of spite I never gave him head.

3:46 PM  
Blogger KOB said...

Now, whenever the subject of DSL comes up, say the merits of DSL vs. cable modem, a dedicated connection versus a shared hookup, I will no longer be able to talk about it without smirking.

5:23 PM  
Blogger Sasquatch said...

I'm going to refrain from participating in the DSL discussion and merely say that I really, really liked the coffee cup artwork you used. Outstanding. (OK, I lied. A friend of mine in the military was using the term DSL back in the early 90s. When the whole broadband thing started, it was all I could do not to giggle whenever I saw ads for DSL. But I *do* like the coffee artwork.)

5:49 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Kris: I was very hestitant about posting this piece because it's a bit "out there" for me, but as I was saying to another friend, I just have to sit around with my ears opened, and I keep hearing the most amazing things.

Always: Ha! I'm telling your Mommy on you. P.S. Loved your jeans piece.

KOB: Snort.

Sasquatch: Thanks (re: artwork). I'm a typography girl. I've added you to my regular readings. I like your blog and loved the piece on typefaces.

6:26 PM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Oh, that's fantastic. I love it. And now I'm switching to broadband!

Wouldn't most guys, though, think that any lips are suitable DSLs? She could have saved herself some money...

10:00 PM  
Anonymous Wrethcat said...

Mommy Cube, I'm too innocent for DSL should I switch back to the naive nature of dial up?

I'm not fast or easy!

>^, ,^<

10:33 PM  
Blogger playfulinnc said...

OMG. I think someone has said that about me before...or did they say DSM. Now I will spend the rest of the evening thinking about who it was...

"Girl, you got a pretty mouth."

V. funny.

10:35 PM  
Anonymous John said...

Ok, now me, I'm just fascinated about this from the MS angle...

1. If she's on an MS treatment that's leading to weight gain, that probably means prednisone, and mixing toxins with immunosuppression just seems... wrong.

2. Aside from the prednisone thing, which is usually short term, most of the common MS treatments (Avonex, Betaseron, or Copaxone) all mean having either daily or weekly shots. I can't imagine wanting more of that action.

3. Here's a strange response: hearing stories of folks with MS who are just as screwed up as anyone else in all sorts of unrelated ways is, well, kind of nice. The afterschool special sorts of stories that usually get told around MS can really get wearisome and patronizing at some point.

1:10 AM  
Blogger Asian Mistress said...

I really didn't see where that one was going...wow.

1:29 AM  
Blogger Megarita said...

Good lord! Love the doctor.

I, too, am a fan of the lovely fishnets. Here's to an excellent autumn should the temperature deign to drop below 60.

8:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I participate in telecommunications policy matters for a trade association. Jeez, Cube. How am I supposed to have serious dicussions about network neutrality and Telecom Act rewrites with this DSL definition hanging around in my head? And particularly with Republican staffers who looooove to talk about the regulation of indecency.

grince

11:02 AM  
Blogger I-66 said...

yes I must say that DSL's do not have much to do with one's ability to - staying with acronyms - SD.

And Cube, your genius is only furthered by your excellent recent selections in avatars. I'm not worthy.

12:57 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

DSLs get so much credit for doing very little of the actual work.

1:16 PM  
Anonymous cocoricamo said...

is it horrible that i'm dying to know where you got that scarf?! :)

1:19 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Mystery: that's what I would think re: men and their opinion. Any port in a storm. :)

Wrethy: You're too innocent? What about ME? Loved "watching" the 'Skins game with you. Thank God they won.

Playful: You must get lots of dates. ;) I hope you are enjoying your tour with the Kennedy Center. We've been having a beautiful late fall on the East Coast.

John: The collagen chick doesn't have MS. Her friend in the swap group who is a stylist in that spa has it.

Asian: Neither did I when I was first told it. I totally dig the doctor's comeback at the end. Snappy.

Megarita: I found such a vast selection of fishnets at this one shop...some that are really unique colors or patterns/cuts. Perfect for having cocktails at the rail of some boite.

Grince: Since I know where you work (and won't out you), your comments are especially funny.

I-66: LMAO

Miss Cookie: HA!!! HAHAHAAHA!!! ^5 and ^6.

Coco: At a Bloomingdale's at Chestnut Hill Mall in Massachusetts. I'm still out of town.

2:27 PM  
Blogger asianpixie said...

Never heard that term before...and I will not forget it now.

I agreed with you on the prison style bit to provide the whole gumming job thing. Maybe down the road she'll get that procedure too.

3:02 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

As a woman with full and pouty lips...I have heard that I have DSL.
It's a part of my allure I guess! hee hee

4:04 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Miss Chase!!!! Naughty.

4:08 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Naughty? Yes! But Cube... we are all born with special talents...I didn't choose it! I was chosen!
(hee hee)

7:30 PM  
Blogger cuff said...

We've had Verizon DSL for about five years and I must say it's only gone down about twice in that time.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Gone down where Mass?

0:)

10:26 PM  
Blogger DCLastCall said...

The photo with the needle is way frightening! While the photo of the full lips is so inviting. Go figure.

DcLc

1:41 AM  
Blogger cuff said...

Well, Cube, since you ask: the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, the bedroom, even the bathroom. Sometimes even in public places like cafes. I've found DSL to work pretty much everywhere...

12:58 PM  
Anonymous drew said...

First FMP to describe shoes, and now DSL to describe facial features.

I need to find a really good acronym to be made from WiFi to complete my BINGO card.

4:10 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Mass...you lucky guy, you! ha ha

5:02 PM  
Blogger Chairborne Stranger said...

Now this was an excellent piece!!!

3:35 PM  
Blogger Christian M. said...

This reminds me of when I said DSL to someone, knowing it was dirty but not yet knowing what exactly it meant. Still a little embarrassed :-)

1:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Christmas is just around the corner. No time to go to the mall...then do your shopping online. We sell everything that the mall sells. Shop today!

8:56 AM  

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