Sunday, March 19, 2006

The Waning And
The Waxing Of
The Woo Woo

My Skin Esthetician told me a funny story and I thought I'd share it. She has her own business, and she provides many levels of service for skin care, including waxing. She was telling me the other day that I had no idea what she went through in dealing with clients, nor did I understand how clients perceived her. I should add that she has become a friend to me.

She is known in her community in certain social circles, and a client also belongs to one of those orbits. They were attending the funeral of a mutual friend, and the Esthetician was sharing a pew in the church with the client and the client's husband. The Esthetician got up from her seat and went forward in the church to perform her eulogy. She is well known as an eloquent public speaker. She heard the client lean over and say sotto voce to her husband, "That's the girl that waxes my woo woo." Since they see each other socially, she thought they had a different relationship, but she told me she now realizes that this woman is obviously bearing another perception--as nothing more than service staff for the waxing of the woo woo.

I'll tell ya. Woo woo waxing isn't for the weak of heart and spirit. It hurts. There's no getting around it. The waxer gets to know you as well as your Gynecologist, there is a lot of yelling and swearing going on, you have to be a yogi master to contort into some of the positions required to get every hair, and you'd better go into it will a steely resolve and some humor.

"I've heard that woo woo waxing is quite a workout.
Bring on the pain."

Now for another humorous moment by a woman who knows all about woo woo. Last night I received an email from Rhinestone Cowgirl:

cube ffukcing roooooooooocks
runk girl

"Okay," I thought. I wrote her back, "Jesus F. Christ. Laughing and shaking head." Then this showed up:

don't flaugh! i'm vyr hapy

Followed by the next email:

ohishit i'm kinda

She seems very fond of her F key when she's drinking. I've since learned she was out last night with Velvet. Velvet reports that Miss RC saw an empty police cruiser and her eyes lit up. Thank God Velvet pulled her away, or we'd be reading about them in the paper with our Saturday coffee.

Miss Rhinestone + Miss Velvet = "Here Comes Trouble."

I'm on my way out for a manicure, Miss Rhinestone. I hope your head is healing nicely. Put this on it, and it will perk you right up.


Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

Oh jeez. I really did paint a wide swath last night, didn't I?

The worst part is -- all I had is half a bottle of wine. I know how to do some hard drinkin', boy howdy.

1:42 PM  
Blogger Velvet said...

I can't believe you emailed Cube! I'm embarrassed!! It's like waking the good sister when we get home from the drunkenness. Might I remind you Ms. Rhinestone that we passed a Sheriff's cruiser last night and you whispered, "It's empty!!" I had to drag you away, as we would have ended up in jail for sure.

4:19 PM  
Blogger KOB said...

As clever as this "woo woo" post is, I think it would be inappropriate of me to comment on woo woo waxing, except to say woo woo.

8:39 PM  
Anonymous drew said...

Wearing diamonds on your head is close to weaving pearls in your woo woo. I've GOT to get invited to parties like THAT! *shaking my head* Woe for woo woo. Blue Drew is boo-hoo too.

8:59 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

God, my friends are whacked.

9:02 PM  
Blogger ThaiMex1 said...

I wonder about Cindy-Lou Who and all the other girls in Whoville and whether they, too, wax their WooWoo.

Those tables set up look like some sort of Ford Motor Production line. One worker to get the women in the correct angle, another to spread the wax, and another that follows that does the peeling.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I have yet to figure out why our society detests hair in some places, but demands long hair in others (like on women's heads).

1:16 PM  
Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I heard the message I left for AUA on the machine yesterday too. Oy vey. It pretty much captures the night, though - me almost breathless from giggling too much. Jesus, you should have smacked me, Velv. ;)

1:46 PM  
Blogger Stef said...

That assembly line waxing photo is something else! Looks like a blood drive, but.... not.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Momentary Academic said...

I can't believe that the funeral woman actually said that! She was like a closed school: no class.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Serena said...

Confession...I'm a waxing virgin and between your stories and those of The Girl Who I just may remain one for eternity. ; )

9:18 PM  
Blogger playfulinnc said...

She emailed you. I can't imagine how much wine I'd have to have in order to tell you.

Now that's AS brave as woo woo waxing to me. Why?? Cause the whole world would read about it later!


9:44 PM  
Blogger DCdramaGrrls said...

I have to say Velvet came to my drunken rescue the other night as well! Is there a blogger award for these acts of generosity? ;-)

Hey Cube - do you mind emailing me the contact info for your friend / woo-woo waxer? My friends and I are looking for someone good. Thanks.

11:18 PM  
Anonymous Wrethcat said...

In some cultures nakedness is fine to show on TV or in public, but it is against the law to show a woman's pubic hair...

And I still get teary eyed when I get my eyebrows waxed sheesh!

>^, ,^<

8:36 AM  
Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

After half a bottle of wine, RC becomes a DaDa poet. That is so cool.

9:01 AM  
Blogger cuff said...

Your photos are a bit blurry. Could you work on that, please?

Anyway I can't say I'm terribly familiar with waxing, but it seems a very painful experience.

9:08 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Thai: That picture is odd, isn't it? I've never seen waxing done that way. It's usually just you and the waxer in a private room.

Barbara: ...and in some cultures, I have since learned, waxing starts very young and is a given with men and women.

Stef: Excellent. Can you imagine the charity THAT would go for?

Momentary: I've been in situations where people should definitely know better and hold their tongues and then they turn and say the most outrageous things. Little surprises me anymore.

Flameon: I'm a fan of waxing, myself, and if you think waxing is bad, try Epilady (do they still make those torture devices?)

Playful: It wasn't until the next morning, after rereading those emails, that I thought they were too good to waste. The truly funny thing is I was reading others blogs and finding she had let loose there, too, and they were equally funny. Over on the Playaz, she was demanding that Bon let her have his babies.

DCDrama: Hopefully others will also give you some suggestions for waxing, and I'll send you the name of at least one place I know of that does the total deal.

Wrethy: You are very girly and do all those little things to keep yourself pretty for Mr. Joe.

Reya: I know! I totally loved her emails.

Mass: Naughty. That photo was taken from a website, not my cell phone...and seriously, I have been saving pennies to get a nice level Nikon because I would love the clarity of pictures that you can see on the blog: Plod and Ponder...and yes, it's painful, moreso on some of your body parts than others. Most men don't understand why women endure the pain.

9:38 AM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

You know, I bet that the woman might consider her waxer a friend, but being the landscaper of the woowoo totally trumps any other connection they might have. (Not that that made it appropriate, but you know...)

10:10 AM  
Blogger Olry Vibhor said...

Wait, I'm not following you. How did you get from woo woos to "CUBE ROOOOOCKS"?

10:16 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Mystery: Laughing. I know. How much more intimate a connection can you have?

Olry: These are things heard/received during the weekend.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Chairborne Stranger said...

This has to be the best post I've read yet. Damn. That is funny. I love the photos. And this comment string is cracking me up. Think how boring life would be without stuff like this.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Stef said...

Haha - what charity? Reminds me of Little Women and how Jo cut off all what kind of wig...? Oh, man, I've got to stop myself!

4:27 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Chair: Those two, Velvet and Rhinestone, are a mess. Such fun together.

Stef: YOU are making me laugh today. Outrageous.

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Wrethcat said...

Whoa! I just read Rhinestone's drunken blog... I love drunken blogs and woo-woo speak. What a day!

>^, ,^<

10:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is that what happens behind the red door? Is that what Isaac M. was asking actresses about at the Emmy red carpet event? Why would anyone other than porn stars want to wax their woowoo area?

I'm impressed that anyone can type clever messages while drunk. And I want to know what kind of wine rhinestone cowgirl was drinking.

So many questions.

10:22 AM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

EVERYONE needs some landscaping on the woo-woo. shave, wax, laser, whatev - guys appreciate it.

9:20 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

I am TERRIFIED of waxing.

11:55 PM  
Blogger Rob Lowe said...

lack of hair there=crazy delicious

By the way, did you see the video where people get waxed but it only shows their faces. Went around some time ago.


6:18 PM  

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